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Showing posts from August, 2014

I was moved

Today I was moved to type some supportive words to two friends, relatively new ones (SPI-based, so 5+ years), not close at all really, but I have some fondness/connection/affinity for them for one reason or another ... both sent cries for help** out on FB today ... (** okay maybe not outright cries for help... but let's just say, I empathised with both their written and unwritten words, and was moved to respond with empathy, love and support.

It felt good.

Then it turned / I turned it into something else. Judging myself of narcissism. For needing self validation. Viewing my feeling good about it as a kind of *desperate* self-validation.

Underneath it all, it felt like a small child desperately wanting acknowledgment that "See? I *can* do good. I could matter."

Because a part of me was told / came to believe that I (she) doesn't matter.
That I was never good enough.

(Too Malay.)
(Not Malay enough.)
(and so many and so much more....)

And I feel my brain and heart skitt…