about two months later...

 ... hi again. This return to blogging is really not working out, is it? Actually, I am writing, three pages of mind vomit and affirmations pretty much every morning. Been doing that for months now. Not sure if it's doing anything for me. The affirmations are cool though. I've created and written numerous lines about the massage clients I attract, about my worth, etc. And I see the results. Like I said, pretty cool. But anyway. The blogging is not coming to me. Doesn't help there's no official app to use on the phone. I downloaded two other apps, but they didn't jive well with me. I'll still access one of them, I have to remember which one I granted access to my photos, in order to get an image for this post.

What else have I blogged about...?

I'm pretty consistent with my two bottles of water intake. Go me! Can't make it to 2.5 let alone 3 yet, though. 

I've slowed down on the book reading. Okay I've stopped. I did pick up some trauma-related books, and I read some chapters, but there was no way I was going to make my way through the whole thing. But today, I finally cracked open a book by my friend, author T. L. Woodliff. I've had the book since well before COVID, and never got around to picking it up. The one time before this that I looked for it I couldn't find it, even though it was right there on the shelf. I guess it wasn't the time for me to read it then. Today I decided to get it down from the shelf, and start reading. Finished the first two chapters, and I definitely want to read more. 

I am now mom to a 12- and an 11- year old, they both had birthdays recently. Born 13 months apart, life was SO HARD when they were little. I don't miss those days. I occasionally remember those times, and for the most part it's hard not to remember the stress of essentially single parenting while not knowing that the heck I was doing, and being buffetted by my past and not recognising it, and omg what a mess it was. Nowadays it's a different type of hard. Not so deep and despairing. I'm finally on an even keel, and no longer having to tiptoe around a partner's ego. I wouldn't have chosen the single life, but it's also the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, as painful as it has been. 

Life is pretty stable. I'm looking to the future and thinking about getting us our passports. I think it's safe to bet that within the next 5 years I'll take the kids out of the country, at least to Switzerland if not Malaysia. I have enough saved up to afford the trip. It's just a matter of timing. And planning. We take a lot of medications, the three of us, I'd be a walking pharmacy, and just that already gives me pause. I do need to make a trip to Malaysia, whether solo or with the kiddos. The last time I made the trip to Malaysia (and Switzerland) it was Sept/Oct 2013. I still remember how badly I needed a vacation after that, but never got one, and had to just hit the ground running, and yeah, about a year later I finally realised I needed help and started seeing a mental health therapist. What a journey since then.

Well, I'm sure I'll be back again. Just not making any promises as to when.