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Showing posts from 2014

Bathroom question

"What's on my butt, mommy?" asked Nova in a very puzzled voice.
We were in the bathroom; he had just sat unproductively on the potty for 5mins to earn some tv time, and I was trying to get a new pull-up on him. He takes the opportunity to explore his nether regions during these nekkid times, and had his hands on/around his butt as he asked the question.
Kinda afraid of what I might find, I had him turn around, saw nothing unusual, and told him so. 
"Buttcheeks. I have buttcheeks on my butt, mommy," he then informed me.
I have a joker! 
:) <3

Wake up, fish!

Miss Carole was in town! A church/preschool had a MacaroniFest fundraiser that featured Carole Petersen/Stevens. I found out about it that morning, and resolved to get the kids there. We made it, but wow was it stressful.
At first, there were crafts for the kids -- I think it was Nev's first time wielding a bottle of glue -- she did it with such glee Miss Carole herself came up to me and commented laughingly on Nev's enthusiasm :)

Dinner was a frantic affair, the kids barely ate any of the pasta even the usual guaranteed mac n cheese (of course, they'd never had it from Noodles & Co, might have been to salty?). They were probably over stimulated too.
Then the concert started ... Nev and I spent most of the time watching/participating. Nova, on the other hand, kept running in and out of the room and earned himself a whole bunch of time-outs (administered by Kosh, who happened to get out of work early enough to come with -- without him I have no idea how I would have coped!…

Weekend survival

Housebound. Nova is running a fever (nowhere near as bad as his sister on Tuesday/Wednesday, though, thankfully!). And it's cold anyway, so Mommy's gotta get the grumpy out of her system (I am *not* a fan of the cold... and it's only mid-September... ugh) before she'll willingly go out in such weather :p
So... Indoor distractions ...

Here's what occupied them for a good ten minutes: match the outline w the object.

Now to find other things to do so we won't kill each other before the day is through... :)

Books that stayed with me in some way

Making its way around FB is this list of ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Here's my stab at it.
1. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley) -- amazing retelling of the Arthurian legend from a priestess' perspective.
2. Foucault's Pendulum (Umberto Eco) -- opened my mind to the Knights Templar, Rosicrucians, and I seriously didn't know if this really was a work of fiction.
3. The Historian (Elizabeth Kostova) -- Dracula story within a story within a story told via letters and flashbacks
(Which reminds me of...)
4. Blood Groove (Alex Bledsoe) -- refreshing disturbingly awesome vampire tale (I so need to reread this!)
5. A Crown of Swords (Robert Jordan) -- "what? It's not over yet? How long *is* this series??!"
6. The Story of My Experiments with Truth (Mohandas Gandhi) -- I'd not actually known much about him, so reading this was eye opening, mind blowing.
7. IT (Stephen King) -- the only book that had me afraid of what might be under my bed…


Adjusting to Nova being in school daily ... on one hand he's out of my hair EVERY DAY! On the other hand it's only for 2.5 hrs total, and if you include travel to/from I barely have 2hrs each morning ...  
(Prior to this, I had him in daycare three days a week)  (very fortunate, but also, very $$ draining) (so when the opportunity to have him in a free-to-us well-rated school came up, it was a no-brainer)  (I just knew we'd be making quite an adjustment...) (... and that's what we're doing this week (and beyond... This'll take us a while...!))
Yesterday I was in the middle of laundry when I realised I was going to be late getting him!!  Yeeesh!
So today I'm pretending I don't have anything to do, and am getting a pedicure to pass the time to his pickup.
Between this, and the parking hassle at dropoff/pickup, I'm wondering if I should reconsider my no-bussing stance... 
... that'll be another post for another day :p


... they keep growing!

Nova's off to pre-K today.

Next time I'll make the sign a whole lot clearer :p


"No, lellow!"
"No, yewwow!"
... Nova and Nev correcting each other's pronunciation of "yellow".
I need this on tape!!

I was moved

Today I was moved to type some supportive words to two friends, relatively new ones (SPI-based, so 5+ years), not close at all really, but I have some fondness/connection/affinity for them for one reason or another ... both sent cries for help** out on FB today ... (** okay maybe not outright cries for help... but let's just say, I empathised with both their written and unwritten words, and was moved to respond with empathy, love and support.

It felt good.

Then it turned / I turned it into something else. Judging myself of narcissism. For needing self validation. Viewing my feeling good about it as a kind of *desperate* self-validation.

Underneath it all, it felt like a small child desperately wanting acknowledgment that "See? I *can* do good. I could matter."

Because a part of me was told / came to believe that I (she) doesn't matter.
That I was never good enough.

(Too Malay.)
(Not Malay enough.)
(and so many and so much more....)

And I feel my brain and heart skitt…

In some ways we are different...

The rational mind knows, in theory, that every kid is different. Yet I can't help but use Nova as an assumption/template for Nev. And of course I get reminded often how that set of assumptions/expectations do nothing except give me a sense of structure that really doesn't apply.
That's a lot of words to set up this post, haha.
With Nova, I was on the lookout for self-undressing, and poopy Picasso-ing. He never showed any inclination for this. I still kept him in onesies as long as I could. It's only now, at a little over 3 years old, he's started to Al Bundy himself.

Now, Nev ... she's been thrusting hands down her pants for a while already. There was once she did a sleep poopy Picasso -- I thought that was snot on her hand and nose when I got her that morning *shudder*. She also has taken her pants off so often already (Nova has yet to do that). 
So today she not only took off her pants, but did a valiant job putting them back on.

I <3 these kids :)


I've not properly blogged in a long long time.

A huge part of it is of course, the kids. Having a 13-month gap between kids makes for a tough time. Having kids just barely that side of 40 also doesn't help. There *is* light at the end of the tunnel, though. Things are getting better. I can start to breathe again.

That said ... the past six months (or year, or three) have been tough in ways I never anticipated.

You know, a big reason I had no inclination for tying the knot was I grew up in an environment where ... how shall I put this ... there were huge issues simmering / stagnating between my parents, making for a very uncomfortable environment to grow up in general, what more for someone who now acknowledges she is highly sensitive / empathic? How much of my internal dialogue was shaped by trying to deal with the (negative) energy I sensed but did not understand? How much of my internalizing, my shutting down and shutting out, stems from my trying to navigate a mire of emot…

Insomnia sucks

I think we went to bed at a reasonable (to us) time ...
1.45am: jolted wide awake by Nova crying something about "Get me out" ... Kosh went to investigate ... and found Nova ~under~ his bed??!! Of course Nev woke up with all this... Kosh calmed them down, left the room ... 
Then Nev starts wailing about losing her binky (oh how I hate that thing) ... 
I intervene ... I stay a while ... I leave ...
She wails ... and wails ... and wails ... finally quietens down
.... and sleep totally eludes me the rest of the night.
I'm going to be Red Light Mommy all bloody day, looks like.
Poor kids.

It's the 4th of May

... and the kids have a message for you:
Peace out!

For Lin

I couldn't help but title this as ...

"Ball and wheels with Nev"
I hope all who celebrate it had a great Easter.

Working out

Yesterday Nova and I spent about 4 hours at the Y, for two 30min sessions. 
This hugely inefficient use of time was mainly due to having to sit in the lobby and feed him breakfast (before child watch opened, so *i* could work out), and lunch (after his swim, so he could pass out in the car w/o my having to wake him for food when we got home).
The nap didn't last as long as I would have hoped. Gotta fine tune my strategy, for both our sakes!

Another year passes by ...

... and *sneeze!* here I am brushing *cough cough* the dust *aaaacchhhooooo!* off of this blog *blows nose* ... it won't be pretty, bc I'll be posting short updates from my *aaaaaaaaahhhhhh* phone, *ccchhhhoooooooooo!* it's the only way I communicate with anyone nowadays.
.... and I *need* to write more than you need it to be pretty, methinks.
Welcome, 2014!