Nohari & Johari windows

(Yes, I'm still here!! I *hope* this is my last post till KL?!!)

I've seen this Johari Window thing on a few sites

... invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingram in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up. (Read more about it HERE)

... and I wasn't planning to jump on the bandwagon, until I noticed its dark side: the NOHARI Window!

So here goes: I'd appreciate people who have actually met & known me to help fill in both Johari & Nohari windows for me.

Funny.. I had a tough time choosing the Nohari adjectives cos I didn't see that many that I though fit me. And for the Johari, there were TOO MANY to choose from that I think describe me, LOL! Let's see how y'all see me, k?

Many thanx!!

A defining moment

The year was 2004.
I was still in the rat race.
It was 7:00am, on a weekday.

I was in front of the *locked* gym doors.
They were supposed to be open by 7am.
I pushed & pulled on them, no use. It was all dark inside too!

I was pissed… after all, with the gym only opening at 7am, one can hardly get more than a 20min workout, then you have to cool down, shower, throw on yr office clothes, dump sweaty clothes back into the car then head up to the office. Good thing for me my project was kinda flexible, and so long we were in before 830am we weren’t really considered tardy…

But…. if I couldn’t get in at 7am on the dot, well, that whole sequence is shot to pieces!!

The gym is located in the basement of the office building. I take the escalator up in order to get a signal on my phone. I call the gym. As soon as someone answers, I snap: why are you not open yet? The fella on the other side says “But, we are open, ma’am! Where are you?” “I was in front of your doors 30 seconds ago!” “I’m sorry ma’am, the person who was supposed to be at the counter wasn’t there, but I rushed up when the phone rang, so I am here now, you can come in.” “Yeah, you *better* be open…”

I stomp back down, major frown on my face, scowl at the guy as he swipes my card; he apologises again, but I am very curt with him; I proceed to dump my stuff in the locker room and rush to the elliptical machine for my very rare morning workout.

My mood is kinda spoilt, tho…. I’m pissed off about how late I’m gonna end up being for work no thanx to the delay in starting the workout… but very soon my thoughts turn to how bad I felt about snapping at the poor instructor like that… what a way for *him* to start the day, eh?

It really bugged me that I knew I could get away with it: after all, I had seen so many people who think they are above the “mere” “lowly” gym instructors and give them a difficult time, not giving them any respect… so I could play the role of “outraged customer” and get away with it,,,, except that it was certainly *not* my style. Yet apologizing to him seemed, well, difficult. But it would be the right thing to do.

I made up my mind.

At the end of my 20mins, I got off my machine, went up to him, and apologized for how I had spoken to him earlier. I said something like “My being annoyed is no excuse for being rude to you, and I’m sorry for being so harsh earlier.”

Oh, the look on his face – it was totally worth it :-)

Of course, he pooh-poohed the whole incident, said it was no big deal, he understood how one would be annoyed not to find the gym open when one needed to be in on the dot, and how he’d dealt with so many different characters over the years as an instructor he’s pretty much built up immunity to their harsh words, so don’t worry about it.

But you could see that my apology had made a huge positive impact on him.

And the unanticipated side-effect: *I* felt good that I’d helped turn what might have been a bad day from him, back around. The high that I felt lasted quite a while – a sign that it really was the right thing to do.

And on my subsequent trips to the gym, everything went pretty much as usual – after all, me being the loner type, I don’t mix much with either the other customers of the instructors anyway. But me & him, ever since that incident, we’d always exchange smiles and greetings. I dunno what would pass through *his* mind when he saw me, but for me, I’d be reminded of the day I set my pride aside, and helped turn around a crummy start to his day.

Eating humble pie was such a small price to pay for making someone else’s day.
Why was this a defining moment for me? I can’t satisfactorily put it into words: it’s about reaffirming that one does not have to be a slave to pride and emotions; that genuinely putting other people’s feelings and welfare over one’s own is neither weakness nor shortcoming; that the more one gives, the more one does get in return.

You get my drift.

How about you, dear readers, any of your own defining moments you’d like to share? I’d love to read about them in your blogs :-)

getting to know Gandhi

Reading Gandhi’s autobiography My Experiments with Truth was definitely… interesting.

...While it was written in a simple manner, it wasn’t something I could just rush through ... And it didn’t seem appropriate reading material while in the can :p

All in all it took me almost two weeks to finish it!

Here are my thoughts and reactions to it:

• The narration style was very simple, certainly a reflection of the person he was.
  
  
• ahimsa … hate the sin and not the sinner … “it is quite proper to resist and attack a system, but to resist and attack its author is tantamount to resisting and attacking oneself”
  
  
• It was a bit frustrating when he’d refer to events that were assumed the reader knew about (details of the satyagraha movement in South Africa, or the Jalianwala Bagh massacre, for example). I feel so *historically illiterate*…
  
  
• I realize I have had no concept of time in relation to Gandhi and *when* all this was taking place. Keeping it straight in my head that he was born in 1869, that he lived through WW1, that he traveled by sea between India, Britain & South Africa… that this “only authorized American edition” in my hands was first published in 1957 - that’s as old as Malay(si)a! Too many things that indicate an immense gap between then and now, which I didn’t realize existed…
  
  
• I also had no proper grasp of ANY of his work & contributions prior to this book. Sure, I knew of the term “passive resistance.” I knew that parable of him throwing his sandal off the train when he realized he’d lost its other half while rushing for the train, saying it would serve him no purpose to hold on to just one, and the person who found both items would be blessed with a good pair of sandals. I vaguely knew he had served as a lawyer in South Africa. But I certainly had no idea of much time he’d spent in S.A., or that the foundation of satyagraha (inadequately translated into English as passive resistance) was laid while he was there…
  
  
• Speaking of South Africa… I somehow had had the impression that South Africa had been the “domain” of the Dutch – didn’t realize the British had a foothold there too. Nor that there was a sizeable population of Indians who’d been moved there as indentured laborers to work things like sugar cane plantations (similar to those who were brought to Malaya to work the rubber estates…). So there was a class of “non-Negro yet colored” subject to discrimination in addition to the “regular” discrimination of white vs “Negro” in that country. Musta been a mess….
  
  
• Reading of how he worked to obtain certain basic rights for the Indians in South Africa, and later in India itself, he described so much of the autocracy practiced by the Brits in their colonies. The thing is, coming from an ex-colony myself, I don’t really know details of what the British did to us. Certainly didn’t help that history was so badly taught in school such that even if they *did* cover such a topic, I’d have totally tuned it out :p I’m also curious to know more about what happens after the time described in this autobiography, both about Gandhi specifically and India generally. But any books I actually find, they had better be really engaging in order to overcome my aversion to anything with the taint of “history.” But I *do* see myself finally watching that movie with Ben Kingsley as Gandhi :-)
  
  
• I admire that he looked beyond the many different “types” of Indians (Hindu, Musalman, Gujarati, Farsi, Christian, Punjabi, etc) and saw that they were all Indians, with India as their motherland.
  
  
• His description of traveling by train, third class, not being able to get a seat, at least once being shoved through a window in order to get onboard… are things any better now? I have the impression that I’ve seen recent (well, maybe within the last 5 years?) news clips of trains in the region filled to overflowing; people hanging out of the doors, maybe even on the roof?
  
  
• His experiments with attaining Truth via, among other things, regulating what food he consumes in line with purification of the body, was totally fascinating. My thoughts on fasting are a pale echo of his, but an echo just the same: there’s no use conducting a “fast of the body” when a parallel “fast of the mind” is not also carried out. The benefits of fasting (like during Ramadhan, for example) are few when one spends most of the fasting day mentally consuming the food one is looking forward to devouring as soon as the sun goes down…
  
  
• When at the “farewell” section, it is most humbling to read his thoughts – how he feels he is nowhere close to self-restraint, to his Truth – and if he feels that way about himself, what about us in today’s excessive, cluttered, noisy, selfish, worldly, materialistic, obsessive lifestyle?

What I’m taking away from this book, ultimately, is a gentle reminder that while my default mode - no thanx to how religion is “taught,” unthinkingly practiced and shoved down people’s throats – is to define what God is not, I also need to keep in mind what God is.

Effects of the Ferrari-less Monk

Remember The Monk who sold his Ferrari I’d been recommended to read? Well, I had placed an order with the local library for a copy, picked it up a few days ago, and I started reading it last night. Finished it today.

It was kinda amusing reading it cos I’d inadvertently ordered the large-print version – so I felt like I was reading a kid’s book :-D

But frankly, I’m disappointed with the book.

There are some gems hidden within its pages, true, but said gems are hidden among a poorly constructed, poorly told “fable about fulfilling your dreams and reaching your destiny” which in itself is just a less-coherent simple re-hashing of Covey’s 7 Habits.

I was also really bored, because like all those other self-help books out there, there’s nothing new contained within its pages. And, so much of what is said within those pages I already practice, or have practiced, or had practiced, for a long time.

• I was never one who’s all caught up in the corporate rat race. Even though I know my rise in the company was quite high quite fast, I hadn’t “raced” my way there. In fact, my upward mobility was based very much on my capabilities and skills I possessed and results I produced – I wasn’t trying to climb the ladder, but my feet kept climbing while I was doing stuff that I took pride in.
  
• I had the self-awareness to see that my last 2 years of work, despite being an excellent opportunity for self-improvement and experience-building, was also extremely poisonous to my well-being and sanity. I also had the courage to make the decision quit, the determination to see it through, and to ultimately walk away from it all – a secure job with pretty-much guaranteed continued upward mobility – rather than compromise my mental health any further.

And on the more personal side?

• I’ve long felt that my mission in life is to bring out the best in others. Fulfilling this has taken many forms: observing over a period of time a friend stuck in a vicious downward spiral, sitting her down and talking her through what’s going on, helping her see and acknowledge things that are beyond her control, and identify things that ARE within her control that she can take action on, in order to improve her situation. Being an unofficial mentor to a younger colleague. Nudging people towards acknowledging some of their “black holes”, getting them to realize they are holding themselves back / are wearing blinders…
  
• Having the strength and conviction to end a long-term relationship… yet to succeed in remaining friends afterwards (which *all* my “friends” said was an unwise and impossible thing to do).

There’s plenty more,… but I’m done with my introspection for the day :p

Not that there is no room for improvement, of course:

I don’t deny that many beneficial self-affirming “daily rituals” have crept out of my life for various reasons, so if nothing else the book served as a gentle reminder of things I could be doing to add a bit more oomph to it.

But there is no way for me to get any A-HA moments from a book so superficial.

That said, I suppose this book *would* be a good place to start for people who haven’t ever really taken the time to stop and take stock of their lives, or those who have but need a nudge in the right direction.

What I *did* like about the Ferrari-less Monk book:

• The garden / lighthouse / sumo wrestler / pink cable wire / stopwatch / roses / path of diamonds visual imagery is a great memory aid ; chances are, I’ll still remember all seven “virtues of enlightened living” for quite a while
  
• Many times throughout the book, it is said that you should do what you are comfortable with; take the time to “grow” your self, your willpower; take tiny steps if need be, but take the steps… Unlike many other books that prescribe a radical change from one’s existing condition, which would require a great amount of willpower and motivation to maintain… and chances are high that 6 months down the road, the poor fella is right back where he started, and even more convinced that he can’t change for the better!
  
• I got a recommendation for a Gandhi book! From a long time ago, I knew that a good way to find inspiration was to read about great figures of history. I’ve always wanted to read about Gandhi. However, there were so many books out there, I didn’t know which to pick, and today I realize that I never did pick any. But now I have some guidance: Gandhi’s autobiography The Story of my Experiments with Truth – which is now on order from the library.
  
• I also liked the practical look at doing things that are your passion in life. Like if you are a lawyer by profession but a painter at heart – sure, you could dump everything and try to succeed in the art world… or you could make sure you spend part of the weekends painting, and perhaps bestowing these as gifts to friends and relatives. One doesn’t always have to walk away like I did, y’know… :-)

Looking at the reviews on amazon.com, a similar but supposedly “better” book is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - guess who’s ordered that from the library in order to make a comparison for herself? I’m probably gonna just skim it, tho… I doubt I could stomach too many self-help books at one time!

The Power of Programming ... and its consequences

I know of a Malay woman who just could not bring herself to eat ANY Chinese food, or even step foot into any Chinese restaurant. Why? Because her parents had raised her to think of all Chinese as dirty disgusting unclean non-Muslim scum, what’s why! And while this person had learned to function and interact fine with Chinese people, she just. Couldn’t. Eat. Their. Food. She’s tried – she’d puked. She couldn’t overcome her programming, despite being aware of it.

This is an example of Malaysia’s “racial & religious tolerance” the country boasts about.

Slightly over a year ago, I was discussing food with NS, a relatively close friend from my schooldays. She for some reason deemed it fit to advise me on what food to eat (the halal/haram issue) while I was going to be bumming around in the states. She said she was quoting her father, who is quite the religious type: “Eating kosher meat is fine. If you can’t find that, if you want you can eat food prepared by Christians or white people. But never ever eat anything by Chinese.” Me (incredulous, and immediately seeing so many holes…): “Oh, really? What about Chinese who are Christians?” She didn’t know. And had no opinion – couldn’t even say that maybe what she’d blithely regurgitated didn’t make sense.

I see this as an example of Malaysia’s practice of quashing independent thinking combined with the assumption that elders/parents always know best, and are not to be questioned. I was actually quite disappointed to discover from this interaction that NS was not the independent thinker I’d thought she was…

Don’t let the above examples give you the idea that I’m going to rant about the racial, religious and cultural “tolerance” (as opposed to the more effective, productive and peaceful CELEBRATION!) in Malaysia.

I want to talk about “programming”

It starts as soon as we are born, if not before….

In the Middle East, it is said that babies on both sides of the Israel/Palestine conflict are fed hatred along with mothers’ milk. … and while this continues to happen, is there any way to find some sort of peaceful workable solution to the situation? People are being bred to hate, to answer violence with more violence… but do they know what they are really fighting for? Do they understand what has brought the situation to the condition it is in today?

In Malaysia, with the convoluted situation of three main races (Malay, Chinese, Indian), practicing diverse religions (“there are no non-Muslim Malays”; Chinese = Taoist, Buddhist, Christian, some Muslim; Indian = Hindu, Christian, Muslim), the inbuilt discrimination for “bumiputera” (Malays, and the aborigine tribes which may practice animism, Islam or Christianity) within the Constitution, and the blurry status of how Indian / Chinese converts to Islam can become “bumiputera”… and resentment on all sides at perceived unfair practices, discrimination, etc etc… it’s not surprising that SOMETHING is “passed on” along with mothers’ milk! How, then, to achieve true cooperation among the many peoples that make up Malaysia??

But all that is talking about programming “against” “other people”…

What about programming against yourself?

I’m thinking about growing up in an environment that is harmful to a child’s sense of self-worth…

How about growing up with parents who call you “stupid” all the time?

And not just “stupid” but rather “styoooopid!” with anger, disgust, irritation, hate, sarcasm and/or venom dripping off every word…

I don’t care what the child has done, or how it behaves: when growing up, a child needs to be encouraged to learn, explore, question, make mistakes in order to learn from mistakes – not to get such savage blows to its self-esteem…

The child grows up all confused … it knows it’s not stupid: after all, it gets pretty good grades in school… do the parents hate it or something? Is there something wrong with it? Why can it never make them happy?

It grows up withdrawn, shy. Then the parents scold it for being shy, for failing to meet peoples' eyes when shaking hands with them, for staying up in its room when there are visitors... but what do you expect?

The child grows up with resentment and anger smoldering inside.

It starts to live a double life: on the outside it seems shy and withdrawn, but on the inside is a seething mass of emotions.

Fortunately, deep within the child lies an inner core of strength, which it finds and taps: perhaps despite of, probably thanks to, the anger and resentment within itself.

The child finds strength and belief within itself.

It also starts to observe its parents interactions, and realizes that its parents are actually really screwed up, and that a lot of how it was raised was a reflection of their dysfunction. It is amazed that they would actually take their frustrations out on their child that way. Did they not know any better?

While it is thankful there was never any physical abuse, it knows that what it experienced was a form of mental abuse…

…the scars of which exist to this day…

And the parents wonder why the now grown-up child is cold, distant and treats them with contempt. Sure, there are other factors involved, but still….

... what goes around comes around.

A point to ponder: whay is it that most people who were abused as kids end up abusing their own children? Why those who grew up watching their father beat up their mothers have a high chance of beating up on their own wives?

As much as they swore to themselves that they would never treat their kids/wife the same way, in the end, when they are in the same situation as they were 30 years prior, unless they have the highest of self control and self awareness, chances are high that they'll just perpetuate a terrible behaviour....raising yet another kid who's very likely to abuse its own child/partner in the future... and the vicious cycle continues...

I have always had grave doubts about ever settling down, and if that were to ever happen, whether I'd ever want to have kids - purely from the perspective of being to raise them is such a way as to NOT perpetuate the dysfunctions I'm probably programmed to carry out. At least now, Kosh and I, we both are all too aware of our families' dysfunctions... and we trust that we'll be able to "call" ourselves on any negative behaviour or bias or whatever we may inadvertently practice towards/around our future kids. We can do our small bit in raising kids who are true citizens of the world.

One time, back in college…

(Another installment of the 30 drafts)

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I stumbled across this MSN Encarta article about unusual courses offered by some U.S. colleges…. There are some veeeery eeeentereeesting courses out there…. Gee, I don’t consider myself a Trekker, but even so, I’d be one of the first to sign up for a course like Philosophy and Star Trek!

Unusual courses I *did* take during my college years:

Icelandic Literature

Descriptions so sparse that your mind fills in the blanks for you, leading to a surprisingly vibrant and vivid read. And these tales are based on real people and real events, so while some tales are really fantastical in nature, many in fact are histories of families still existing in Iceland today!

Also, did you know that the term “to egg someone on” comes from Icelandic? There was peculir code of honor among these menThere were so many tales of revenge instigated by wives or mothers who “egged on” their sons/husbands to redeem the family honor somehow.

Indeed, such a land of fire and ice – of volcanoes and glaciers – certainly spawned tales as gritty as the land itself. It opened a whole new world to me, such that Iceland is on the list of places I want to visit - and I mean a proper visit, no whistlestop type thing - before I die.

Norse Mythology

While most people took the huge class that dealt with Greek & Roman mythology, I of course chose the path less-traveled and opted for a teeny class on the Norse equivalent. Not only did we learn about Thor, Loki and many others, but this allowed us a peek into the psyche of the Norsemen. Seeing as I already got a good dose of this in the Icelandic Literature class, I probably enjoyed the class even more than the average person. I remember my term paper concerned Loki: but what exactly I wrote, I don’t remember. Bummer.

One take-away from the class was learning about common symbols, especially those fertility symbols like rabbits, and eggs… it got me thinking about the now less common practice of distributing hard-boiled eggs to wedding guests in Malay weddings – can you say “fertility”?

Arthurian Literature

This was actually a graduate class, but I challenged myself to take it, seeing as the previous two classes had already provided me with the proof that I “get” literature – so long it appeals to me. Ah, and how I “got” this topic too… prior to taking this class, all I had read of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table was from a children’s edition book plus some comics…. And my oh my, what an abundance of literature exists out there!! It was during this class that I picked up and read Marion Zimmer Bradley’s The Mists of Avalon – in addition to all the *other readings we had for this class – and my appreciation for her book was heightened by all the other tales we read and discussed in class.

I was particularly struck by the recurring theme of forbidden love: Lancelot & Guinevere; Tristan & Isolde, and the Icelandic version of Erec & Enide. Laying a sword between them as they shared the same bed, as a symbol of “no hanky panky”, is really amusing! Oh, and I saw a trailer for a movie of Tristan & Isolde, coming out in May? That will be interesting… I’ll wait for the reviews before I decide to catch it or not (unlike that horrendous King Arthur movie, ugh!!)

NOTE: all three classes were taught by the same professor! :-)

Bowling

Teeheehee! It was just one credit hour, but I got useful essons in the fundamentals, which I still use to this day (not that I’ve bowled more than once in the past year, sob sob!!)

Basic weight training

During the one summer I took classes, decided up mix a useful class along with the horrid Chem class I was taking. And like most females, I was intimidated by all the equipment in the gym – how to use, mah? So this class provided excellent overview of principles of weight training: techniques, the whole reps & sets difference for toning vs building, which exercises target which muscles, etc etc. Very useful stuff to know, even if I’m hardly ever utilizing free weights of machines right now

Tennis

This was the other fun class I took that one summer. I was kinda over-qualified for it tho, cos the class turned out to be for total beginners; oh well :p (The next semester, I signed up for the next level of tennis, but it was a totally different standard! I ended up dropping it after the first day, tho, due to scheduling conflicts… oh well!)

The rest of my classes? Apart from the required Chem & Physics, I took 2 years of French, 1 semester of Italian, Abnormal Psych... oh, and ovevr-achieved in terms of taking grad-level classes in organic chem (i *so* quickly changed that to pass/fail, LOL!!) and Quantum Chemistry (I surprisingly did pretty well in that, especially considering I was competing against grad students!)

Maaaaan, I miss being in college....

Gonna be looking into getting back into academia... maybe in a year's time? We'll see.....

Until then, i'll continue to bum aroun, blogging, LOL!

urban legend chain e-mails: verify verify verify!

I remember my first encounter with an urban legend chain e-mail:

It was a majorly forwarded message, supposedly originating from a mother & daughter who had eaten at a Mrs Fields cookie store in Bangsar (that’s in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, btw), and got charged an arm and a leg for the recipe of a cookie, and in protest, they were passing it on to everyone in order to get back at the cookie company.

I was outraged at such corporate bullying that I promptly sent it out to lots of friends, including friends in the U.S…. and one of them replied saying thanx for the recipe but did I realize that it was a bogus mail seeing as she had received a few of the same with only the name of the cookie company, and location, changed?

I was aghast.
I had contributed to spreading a false tale.
I had been taken in by this urban legend chain e-mail.

Never again, I swore.
Since then, I have made it a point not to forward any emails to anyone unless it was meaningful to me in some way. All those “forward this to 7 friends within 24 hours or you will be struck with bad luck” emails get deleted without a second thought. Those with outrageous claims - especially those with fantastic photos - get verified (usually via snopes.com), then maybe I’ll pass it on to others. In general, I would keep those inspirational / uplifting ones, the good jokes, the thought provoking ones… and delete the rest.

One category of e-mails received that, as someone who is officially Malay in Malaysia, is deemed “sensitive” is anything touching on religion. Unfortunately, just because they are religious in nature, doesn’t mean that these e-mails are TRUE.

I usually take them in the spirit I assume they were sent: friends who mean well, and just want to spread the word which had previously been spread to them…

… but it disappoints me every time I get any e-mail with dubious contents, whether religious or otherwise, passed on by people I know, who I think were capable of independent & critical thought.

Here’s one I remember from work: it was a list of things to do, food-wise, as supposedly prescribed by the Koran, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), or some other authority. One item stood out: if a fly were to drop into your food/drink/soup but manages to fly away, you must catch that fly and dunk it fully into the food/drink/soup, otherwise the food can’t be eaten. Wait, what?? Flies’ legs are teeming with germs and bacteria, yet you are saying to dunk it in its entirety in your food?? I replied to the sender, asking her just how logical that was, and pointed out how, by that one item, the credibility of all the other items on the list became suspect. She replied saying I was right from a scientific perspective BUT she had been told that a fly’s wings are “opposites” of each other: if one wing were to drop into your food, it was poison, and the only way to counteract it was to drop in the *other* wing, THEN it would be safe to eat; and perhaps that was what the e-mail was talking about.

Ugh. I’m sorry, but that just didn’t hold water for me... but if she believed in it, well, good for her and fine with me, just don't expect me to follow what you say... And don't judge me because I don't want to dunk flies in my food...

Then this one, received a few months ago, really got my goat. I'm translating it from Malay, so please excuse me if it's a bit stilted :p

~~
Subject: Are we prepared for the end?

a) Mengikut hadith umat Rasulullah akan hidup selama 1500 tahun... sekarang sudah 1439 = 1426 + 13 tahun hijrah... daripada ini kita ketahui kita akan bertahan dalam masa 61 tahun lagi.. Jikalau ini benar, bumi akan kiamat pada tahun 2066.

According to a/some Hadith, followers of the Prophet will live (last?) for 1500 years. Right now, by the Muslim calendar, we are at the year 1426 PLUS 13 years for the hijrah, so that makes it 1439 years down, another 61 to go. If this is true, then the end of the world will occur in the year 2066.

The hadith, for those who don’t know, are traditions relating to the sayings and doings of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH or his companions. Wiki has an excellent overview of the topic HERE.

And thanx to Wiki, I found this online hadith resource HERE. And yet, even this USC-MSA site didn't yield anything I could use: maybe I didn't use the right keywords to search?

So, while I am fascinated at the thought that Muslims have a supposedly preordained limited time on this earth, I can’t verify that a hadith making such a statement actually exists.

(In case you were wondering: no, I didn’t bother with the math part)

So no luck with (a), maybe I’d have better results with the rest?

b) Saintis telah menjumpai sebuah planet yang lebih kecil daripada bumi yang menghala ke bumi.. Ia telah dianggarkan bahawa planet itu akan melanggar bumi pada tahun 2014. Amerika akan cuba untuk menukarkan orbitnya dengan menembaknya dengan sebuah roket... Dan saintis juga telah menjumpai sebuah planet yang juga akan menghentam bumi... Ia dianggarkan akan melanggar bumi dalam masa 60 tahun lagi.. Dan planet ini lebih besar daripada bumi... Jikalau ini benar, dunia akan musnah pada tahun 2065...

Scientists have found a planet, of a smaller size than Earth, that is heading towards Earth. It is estimated that this planet will collide with Earth in 2014. The U.S. will try to change its orbit by shooting a rocket at it. And scientists have found *another* planet that is also on a collision course with Earth: its estimated collision will take place 60 years from now... and this second planet is a lot larger than Earth.. If this is true, the world will be destroyed in the year 2065.

Oh cool, extra-terrestrial danger - I’ve heard of something like that; heck, that spawned at least two movies! Should be easier to verify.

I wish.

Firstly, something to take note of: it seems "planet" may not be the right term, as usually *asteroids* are the things said to have close shaves with earth, and have been blamed for previous catastrophes in earth.

Secondly, I really do wish the email contained some sort of identification of these extra-terrestrial bodies so I could quickly cross-check with NASA, or be able to search Google with something more effective than “collision + asteroid + deflect + 2014 or 2065”

Findings:

• Has NASA already deflected a hazardous asteroid? Nope.
  
• Can NASA deflect such asteroids if need be? Not yet.
  
• Is there an asteroid that is going to hit us in 2014? Not as far as I can tell.
  
• How about the impending collision in 2065? Also, not as far as I can tell.

Fascinating things I *did * find out:

• There HAD been a close call late last year! On September 29, 2004, asteroid 4179 Toutatis passed us by, approx 1.5 million km / 961,000 miles away. This was the closest approach of any known asteroid of comparable size this century. Read more HERE.
  
  
• There IS a danger posed by asteroid 1950 DA in March 2880. (NASA; National Geographic; Pravda). But look at the year again: 2880? That’s 800 too late for this email :p
  
  
• A more imminent danger may come from asteroid 2004 MN4, which is due to fly Earth by in 2029; “Earth's gravity may change the orbit of the celestial body, which, in its turn, might eventually result in the collision of 2004 MN4 with Earth in 2034 or two or three years later.” (Pravda). How NASA is planning to deal with it HERE. But if this were to happen, it would be 30 years too “early,” eh?
  
  
• If you want to keep track of celestial bodies that may be threatening Earth, visit the Sentry Impact Risks Page, but at a glance I couldn’t easily decipher the information there.

Okay, so while that was really educational, my original intention remained unfulfilled: could not verify the claims of paragraph (b) of this email.

Better luck with the next claim? See for yourself…

c) Dan dikatakan kuasa Israel akan mencapai puncaknya pada tahun 2007... Dan kuasanya akan jatuh semula dalam 14 tahun, iaitu tahun 2022, disebabkan oleh penurunan semula Nabi Isa... . Dan hadith mengatakan bahawa Nabi Isa hanya akan hidup selama 40 tahun dan dunia akan kiamat pada hari Nabi Isa wafat.. Jikalau ini benar dunia akan kiamat pada tahun 2062...

And it is said that Israel's power (influence?) will reach its peak in the year 2007, and that its power will then fall again within 14 years, that is by 2022, as a result of the return of Prophet Jesus. And a hadith states that Prophet Jesus will only live 40 years and that the world will end on the day he dies. So if this is true then the world will end in the year 2062…

Oh cool, this is interesting too!

Okay, so where is this said about Israel’s rise & fall? I already hit a dead end… Is it from the Koran? Another hadith? The USC-MSA site again yielded nothing useful to me. Perhaps they were thoughts, speculations and wishful thinking of an ulamak?

And which hadith is it that talks about Jesus’s return? Plus a specific duration for that return?? While this is again a fascinating snippet of information, again I can’t verify it... another dead end...

Sigh!

The e-mail then summarises that “the end of the world is anticipated to end sometime between 2062-2066, that all the above have been investigated, and that the hadith about 1500 years of Prophet Muhammad's followers is believed to be the most accurate, so figure it out for yourselves, so spread the word and save yourselves...”

Riiiiiiiiiiiight…..

Don’t get me wrong, I am not religion-bashing, and I am not denying that somewhen, somehow, the end of the world will come.

I * am* however highlighting where this email is ineffective due to holes in its message. For people who write e-mails like this: perhaps your goals are noble, but I don't believe that the end justifies the means.

Call me anal if you want, but as I said earlier, I make it a point to verify claims I see in emails / blogs, whether they are religious claims like these, pleas for support for Breast Cancer stamps issued by the US Post Office, or a too-fantastic-to-be-true photo of a baby undergoing in-the-womb surgery gripping the doctor’s hand with its teeny hand.

And for all of us who receive tons of forwarded stuff in our inbox:

yes, some are these heartwarming stories that totally pull at your heartstrings, or show the potential of everyday people to be heroes; I’m thinking for these I’m not so anal about – after all, we need lots of uplifting and introspection-encouraging messages in this day & age where so much of the news is depressing.

But when the email exhorts us to spread the word to boycott certain products because their profits go to Israel, or because the owners are Chinese, or because they contain pig components, or because invisible spirits pee in the food to make it seem tastier than the competition’s, or because the huge pot of curry contains a pair of underwear for extra flavour… well, may I suggest that you perhaps take the time to think about its contents before forwarding to everyone you know?

I know of people who will immediately argue that we have a responsibility to spread the word to our fellow brothers & sisters.

I don’t deny that… but: what if the email was originally from a disgruntled employee determined to get back at his employer? Or from a rival restaurant/organisation, using underhanded tactics to steal market share from a competitor?

I feel that when we spread the word, we should be confident that what we are spreading is true to the best of our knowledge.

In other words, for me, for these numerous emails, the buck stops here.

what about you?

Weirdos in my Life #1

14th Feb 1991: a total stranger walks up to me at the bus stop and wishes me a Happy Valentine's Day.

It was my first year in the U.S., taking a semester of general classes at the University of Oklahoma, and enjoying how different life was...

So, this total stranger - he was from Nigeria, I think.

I thank him, and wish him the same. We talked a bit, and would bump into each other at the South Oval bus stop every once in a while.

One day, I was hurrying to catch my bus, saw that it was filled to overflowing with people, and decided to just walk back to my apartment instead. Not a big deal, wasn't that far off anyway.

Then who hops off the bus but Mr Nigeria.

Who walks towards me, and asks in a loud voice "How come when you saw me on the bus you decided not to get on the bus?"

I was like "Huh? You were on the bus? I didn't even see you."

"No, don't lie, you saw me, then you decided not to get on the bus! Why? Are you avoiding me?"

I say to myself "Well, I am NOW!!"

I say to him my decision to walk was based on the fact that the bus had been too full, and that his presence, which I had NOT noticed anyway, had certainly NOT been a factor in that decision.

I dunno what his deal was... maybe he had waved at me from the bus or something, while unknown to him I usually walk in my own little world oblivious to anything else unless it comes up and hits me on the nose: therefore it's very possible I might have seemed to him to be looking straight at him while all *i* saw was a friggin bus!

Maybe also he'd had a bad, discriminatory, day? Cos I had the impression he was playing the race card or something... me, racist? me, the person who makes it a point not to judge people except by their actions? play th race card on me? get real, dude!

My memory ends there, but I probably just turned and walked away from the whole thing. And if I ever saw him again on campus, I bet I put on my stone-face and just looked through him. One doesn't make a scene accusing me of something so ridiculous and expect me to not blacklist you.

Ugh. pun not intended.

Good News: 10 years later the Marvel is confirmed!

Date: May 1995
Event: Chemistry Department graduation ceremony

To my utter and complete surprise, it was announced I was among the five(?) people receiving a departmental award issued to the top 10% (?) of Undergraduate Theses submitted for that year.

I was given a copy of a letter informing a past recepient of the award, and was told this was just a sample, I'd get a proper one addressed to me later. The letter also said the award came with a gift of USD 200 (?).

Notice the all the (?)'s? Can you guess what's coming?

I never did get anything to confirm that what I remembered from the graduation ceremony was not just a dream.

Do you know, I never dared even put the award on my resume because I had no proof of being a recipient of that award. At least I *could* put that I graduated "with distinction", which you get by default if you did that Thesis thing. Which was what I was targetting for anyway. The extra award was just that, extra, but still, if I got it, I should be SURE I got it, right?

Okay, sure, I was an International Student, and maybe things slip through the cracks... but still... not with a university like UIUC??!! After all, I was in the U.S. for about a month after graduation, and had forwarded any correspondance to my then-bf's place. He would then forward to me in Malaysia, if needed. Nothing ever came.

Fast forward a few years later.

I know I wrote the Chemistry Department, it may have been around 1997. Snail mail (E-mail was still in its infancy then). No word back. I wonder if it reached the Chem Dept. I wonder if anyone cared. I wonder if I will ever get confirmation of this award.

Fast forward: March 2004
In the early days of me & Kosh, I took time off from work and visit for about 2 weeks. While I was on campus, I dropped by the Chem Office to see if there was any way to get some closure about this award. What I got was essentially a brush-off, and was told to contact someone in the Records Deprtment. I left the office feeling weird, like all disappointed and unhappy with the lack of helpfulness; as a result I just didn't feel like following-up, so I let it be. {To Kosh's puzzlement. He learnt not to ask / push or bring up the topic. Poor him. It's funny how people (in this case the person at the Chem Office) can act in such a way as to color MY outlook for a while.}

Fast forward: Last week (early Nov 2005)
I pass the Office of Records & Admissions is on my to the gym.
One day, my feet bring me to its entrance.

I am surprised at how helpful the person I meet is. While she is surprised at my tale of how I was referred to this office by the Chem Dept because that's where I needed to be (maybe things changed in a year?), she still made a few calls, got some basic information down for me, so I could go back to the Chem Dept "armed" with my new student ID#, stuff like that.

So the next day I drop by the Chem Office, again go through my spiel of how I'd like to get confirmation of this award thingy. At least there was no effort to tai-chi me anywhere else. I was told they'd look into it, and would e-mail me back.

The next day, I get an email:

We did some checking and where [sic] able to confirm that you had received the Marvel Award. Please stop by the office, as I have a certificate for you to pick up.

Whoohooo! After over ten years, it's finally confirmed!

It's really not worth more than a line on a resume, which if I ever get around to updating, will show that I've strayed oh so far away from Chem research, but still...

... and that, my friend, is what you call CLOSURE.

Kinda.

There's still Phase Two, or SHOW ME THE MONEY!

That's gonna be another post., once I get another round of closure. Hopefully.

Stay tuned!

getting back on track in the u.s. and other ramblings

Ugh. I'm out of practice wrt tips!

Had a breakfast-cum-lunch all by my lonesome, the bill came up to about USD6.50. For some reason I thought 20% = 65cents, so I gave a 1 dollar tip. Only while walking back did I realise that I shoulda given at least 1.30, probably would have rounded it up to 1.50. No, I didn't turn back. Too bad lah. After all it's just a few cents. But imagine if I'd made this mistake for a much larger total?! Ugh. I really don't like the whole tips thing, but well, it's part of the American thing I guess... will have to try to remember for the next time I pick up the tab at a service restaurant :p

On to other news... More Swiss-related thoughts:

1. I had images & memories of my late grandfather come to me unbidden at odd times during the 5 days I was at my g'mas's place last week. He passed away in 1998; I last saw him in 1995 when I dropped by after graduating. I was back in switzerland in the year 2000, but didn't actually stay at the house on the hill. Plus I was on holiday with someone who had never been to switzerland, and kinda lost language-wise, so it's not like I had time to myself for thoughts. :p And in 2003 stayed just one day there, with parents. Not conducive to flows of memories :p

2. Portrait of G'ma # 5 (missed out #1-4? Click HERE)
G'ma is reading an article about persecution of Christian Chinese in China.
She then says "China is such an immense country. Switzerland is so small compared to China. Do you know how many inhabitants it has?"
Mom has no idea, and guesses "800 million."
G'ma thinks about it for a while. Then asks "Do you think they all wear/have wristwatches?"
No idea where that came from!

3. I'm so used to having to mentally "switch" the direction I expect traffic to come from after a trip, cos usually it's a Malaysia <-> U.S. or Malaysia <-> Switzerland trip. Switzerland and the U.S. have traffic driving on the right (not necessarily correct! teehee!) side of the road; while Malaysia on the left, one of those remnants of british colonisation. Anyhoo. So for some weird reason, I was constantly confused over the last two weeks, not quite knowing in which direction to expect traffic to come from. So crossing the road involved much more left-right-left turns of the head than I already do. Weird :p

4. What's in a name?

Before boarding the plane at ZRH, all passengers were again subject to standard questions about who packed the carry-on luggage and whether it had been out of your sight/possession at any time. The person I had ask the questions was someone I'd noticed from earlier, because he looked like a typical Malaysian, perhaps a Sarawakian. But his name was a typical german/Swiss name of something like Hans Zimmerman! It was such an unlikely combination that I kept looking at his nametag instead of at him when answering his questions. It occurred to me later that he may have been among the many Vietnamese refugees adopted by Swiss families. Really not a big deal, but it was really weird to see such a typical german name attached to someone obviously Asian.

On a related topic: I think I was told that in Iceland, those tho emigrate there and/or get citizenship, are required change their names to typical Icelandic names. You know, like Gunnar Ericsson, or Gunnhild Ericsdottir. Imagine that attached to someone who obviously is not Scandinavian.

Similarly, in an attempt to enforce homogeneity in a multicultural, multiracial and multireligious society, Indonesians all have "typical Indonesian names." The most obvious effect of this ruling is seeing someone who is obviously Chinese with a name like, ugh, I can't dig those names out of my memory... nvm just take my word for it :p (I *did* find a page someone was trying to compile Indonesian names, if you're interested, see HERE)

I *am* on a rambling roll, aren't I? :p

... and here's more ramblage:

5. Did you hear about births to unmarried U.S. women have set a record? I won't shove the statistics down your throat, the article does enough of that :p What struck me is that births to older single women (ages 35 - 49) have continued to increase over the years.

Perhaps this reflects choices these women are making in terms of perhaps their career, and, more importantly, their independence. Choices they are now able to make. I think the stigma (and burden?) of being an unmarried mother is less potent (for lack of ideas for another word) when you're a successful business executive, let's say, than when you drop out of school / college and interrupt your education in order to have a child. And are then limited in your "career" options because you need to take care of the kid. As opposed to the people who are 35+, who probably have already carved a niche for themselves in their workplace, and can probably get more flexibility to handle raising a child. And can afford it too.

My mind jumps to these "late births" - in general, not specifically for the older single mothers... For my generation, I think our parents had us in their mid-20's (which was already "late" compared to the previous generation who got married & had kids in their late teens / early 20's). So when we finished college and joined the workforce, we were about 23 y.o. and they were 45-ish. But soon, those who have kids when they're 40-ish will see their kids enter the workforce when they (the parent[s]) are over 60y.o. And if the same trend continues, these same parents may be 80y.o. before starting to get any grandkids.

If they last that long.

I mean,,, life expectancy may have improved over the past few decades as we make advances in the treatment (and in certain cases, eradication) of things like polio, smallpox... then now we have to deal with more "modern" diseases like adult onset diabetes, cancer, cancer, cancer and did I mention cancer?

Where am I going with this? I dunno... I think i've rambled myself out of words :p

Be back later. Maybe.

*yawn!*

hammer, nail, head : right on!

You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

(tip o' the hat to: Samantha Burns)

no kidding - this really fits.

you reap what you sow!

My patience sometimes is worn so thin by some people...

A friend of mine sent me a text message recently, bemoaning the fact that so many people she knew were getting a divorce, many of which were initiated once it was found out that someone was having an affair. And in many cases of the people she knew, the infidelity was on the wife's part.

Her bottomline: "better stay single than go thru divorce or unhappy marriage"

Hmmpph!

There are so many factors involved that can make or break a marriage ... reasons for getting married in the first place, compatibility of the couple, flexibility, communication skills, empathy, how they deal with problems (and let's face it: no marriage is perfect, there WILL be problems... but HOW they are solved, rather than WHAT the problems are about, is a good indicator of the dynamics, and long-term viability, of the relationship)....

Recognise that there many things that fall within your area of control, but you choose not to do something bacause it's too hard or unpleasant or whatever.... Many of us need to take responsibility for our own actions (or, in many cases that lead to problems, INaction!).

And at the same time... don't go agonising over things that are OUT of your area of control.

I'm not really getting my point across here... :p I agree 100% that I'd rather not go thru a messy divorce, or be stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Heck, I've used Meat Loaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Lights as a guide of how NOT to end up (girl & guy getting hot and heavy in car; reaching third base... girl pressures guy into saying he loves her, will never leave her, etc before she allows him "in"... and he was so horny and caught up in the moment he said yes... and later he's "waiting for the end of time to hurry up and arrive cos if I had to spend another moment with you I dont think that i could really survive; ... I'm waiting till the end of time so I can end my time with you"

But that does not mean one should just close off that marriage option, y'know? heck, a marriage, just like any relationship, requires an investment of your time, emotion (and yes, money too).

In the end, you reap what you sow.

I think too many people forget that.

a little aside:

Oh, and by the way, I was *so* tempted to reply to the txt msg with "whoohoo, women power! glad we are exercising our rights to having affairs too! Would hate to leave it to the just the males!"

I know, kinda bad, but still... think about it... usually a guy who has an affair is looked on as a stud but a woman who has an affair is labelled a slut. We need to get rid of this double standard!

Not that I am condoning affairs at all... I just feel society "accepts" infidelity in men much more than in women. So either make infidelity NOT okay for men, or allow women to 'enjoy' the same social acceptance of men, rather than suffer through social shunning....

... aaaaaaaanyway, my bottomline:

personally, I'd rather to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

so there.

... a medieval future

Robert Jordan, Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman, Isobelle Carmody; Stephen King (to a lesser extent). These are just a few writers whose work I enjoy, specifically when their work involves tales of a ‘medieval future’ of sorts.

Take Isobelle Carmody’s Obernwtyn series, which is set in post-apocalyptic Earth. After the devastation of a nuclear holocaust, survivors slowly repopulated the non-poisonous areas; it is eerie how the gaps and tension between rich & poor, or administrators & religious & military, can be so easily recreated (and mistakes repeated). While I very keenly follow the thread of the author’s tale in this excellently imagined future of telepathic birds and ‘misfits’ with paranormal abilities who unravel a mystery from before the apocalypse, it amuses me to no end to ‘hear’ tales of the ‘ancients’ who flew across the skies in silver birds get lumped together with other tales about creatures that are half-fish and half-human. “Historical” records seem so improbable to the population at that time, that these tales are considered as fabulous our own fables and fairy tales of today. Ironic, eh?

In Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series (as yet UNFINISHED despite book 11 coming out at the end of this year, you fan-milker!!) * ahem * errr yeah… moving on… yeah… this series * may * be set in a far far distant future here on planet Earth, but I can’t be 100% sure on that, no thanx to the author dragging the tale out unnecessarily! But again, glimpses into the ancient past indicate technology comparable to what we currently see, although how much of that was ‘magic’ vs ‘technology’ is not very clear. I like the idea of random males & females being born with the ability to touch the ‘One Source’, and the various things that can be done with this ability.

Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman’s 7-book Death Gate Cycle tells a tale of a post-Sundered Earth, tho as we move forward in the story, pieces of the past get filled in: humans almost wiping out life on the planet, reemergence of dwarves and elves, emergence of ‘mutant’ humans who become demi-gods due to their innate magic abilities, war among two ‘branches’ of these demi-gods, and how even such ‘intelligent’ creatures can fall into the trap of thinking they can and should and must control the lives of the lesser creatures (humans, elves, dwarves). I found references to "the Mangers" who built a mysterious machine in the "Factree" really amusing :D

Stephen King’s Dark Tower series also includes many references of the remnants of the Old Ones, from the time before the world ‘moved on.’ In a decidedly cowboy / western setting, you have the improbable existence of robots (Andy, Messenger Robot (Many Other Functions!)), and onshore oil rigs and oil tankers with ‘meaningless’ brands such as CITGO and MOBIL! This is not so much ‘our’ Earth in the future, but rather one of an infinite number of parallel worlds with the Dark Tower as its nexus.

Why do these types of tales appeal to me so much?

I suppose it’s all too easy for me to imagine the world as we know it to slide downhill into oblivion… and that whatever we leave behind will be totally meaningless to those who come after us. Despite our technological advancement, our superiority,,, in the end, will we just be a puzzle for future archeologists, trying to put together a picture of our society based on a McDonald’s logo, a piece of an X-box circuit, a jawbone with titanium implants and a ‘selipar Jepun’ for example?

I like the idea that society of the future ‘regresses’ in a way, where we are no longer ‘slaves’ to technology or machines… so while we may be back to hard and difficult times, the pleasures in life are also simple. In other words; all the technological advances we have today have not actually improved our quality of life. Yes, our lives are easier, but at the same time, less meaningful, don’t you think?

I think it’s because I long for the insanity to end…. The world as we live in it today is in a horrible state… so many things that are happening are caused by age-old hatred and fear, so much so that so many people don’t even know what they are fighting for, or why anymore, except that “that’s how it’s always been”. And this willful stubborn blindness is not only seen in the literal fighting of let’s say the Middle East… How about people who just can’t accept change; who can’t accept that the only thing constant IS change??

I wouldn’t be surprised if this world does actually get destroyed by a nuclear disaster precipitated by U.S. vs “Muslim” vs North Korean vs whoever else’s forces. I really don’t forsee any resolution to the unrest in the world today… unless a miracle happens where everyone decides at the exact same moment to give peace a chance…

So to escape beyond this immediate world… to one where this disaster has already happened… plunging the world into a totally different environment… seeing humans (tho not limited to this species) learning to survive again in a totally different but brave new world… ah, THAT is what I like…

Of course, the same old mistakes, the same old behaviours still get repeated… after all, who am I kidding…. A world of total good would be totally boring!

I like the analogy of life as a pendulum which swings to and fro, to and fro, with the peak on one side being ‘good’ and the other ‘evil’ : such oscillation is natural, and is reflected in the rise and fall of both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ dynasties, for example. But what if during one of these ‘good’ dynasties, the well-meaning people attempt to arrest the pendulum there at the ‘peak of good’? An unnatural event, right? And while those living at that age would enjoy the unnatural extended good/peace, what happens when nature exerts its laws, and starts the pendulum swinging again? Balance must be kept… so the world would be plunged into a deep and black turmoil, would it not? Balance!!

Reminds me of something I read about the difference between was it Chinese/Asian philosophy and that of the druids… Both strove for this ‘balance’, but went about it in totally different ways… one ( I don’t remember which, but would guess it was the Chinese/Asian) would strive for a state of stillness in order to maintain this balance (my guess is meditation as one of the paths to this), while the other sought movement and understanding of ‘extremes’ for without knowing the two sides / limits how are you going to recognize the balance/middle?

Ah yes, my rambling again… do bear with me, dear readers… back to why this particular type of tale appeals to me so much… it is my ardent hope that humankind one day realizes that so much of what they are looking for actually resides inside themselves.

To quote from Babylon5: the exiled G’Kar, serving an eight-week prison sentence for assaulting his sworn enemy, when being informed that he seemed “happier in here than you were out there” he replied,

“In here, Mr Garibaldi, you cannot hide from yourself.
Everything out there has only one purpose:
to distract us from ourselves; from what is truly important.
There are no distractions in here.
You can learn much from silence.”

Wow.

Meditate on that, why don’t you?

yes, i'm alive... and I need your feedback please!

it's been quite a while since my previous posting... my apologies to my reader(s?), and hope no-one was actually worried about me! I actually have about 5 different ideas for posts in draft form, but i didn't have the mood to push them into actual postings... I'll process them in due time, or deem them irrelevant and just move on :-)

and talking about moving on: it is with great reluctance that I will be getting back to Malaysia in about 2 weeks' time. My almost 6 months here have been great, although the weather put a stop on my ideas of travelling well before I could even begin! If nothing else, that gives me a reason to return soon, during the WARMER months, to do just that :-)

And that means that no, I am still not looking for a job, whether in malaysia or elsewhere. I must say, however, that at least my 6 months of joblessness has started my healing process... I'm no longer bubbling over with anger and frustration when I think of my past job (especially the last 2 years of it) - whoohoo! I do recognise, however, that I've been so burned out trying to make a difference and seeing NO RESULT that right now I can't see myself working in any field at all - not for the job itself but for the people I'd need to deal with.

I think that one of the things I need to do now is do something that has guaranteed rewards: something that is not that complicated, where I put in some effort, and I get results in proportion to the effort I put in. And it should be something that kinda primes me to get back into the workforce one day. So, how about something relatively structured, with a set syllabus, exams at then end, plus opportunities for extra credit?

Yeah.... I'm thinking that I am finally ready, mentally, to start looking at options to further my studies. I'm guessing a second BSc would not be as useful as a Masters', eh?

The next question is: what area to pursue?

Despite a paper qualification in Chemistry, most of my career has been in Change Management. In fact, I believe if I were to do a Master's in Organisational Behaviour, I'd only add frosting to what I've already picked up in 7 of my 9 years of work. BUT... do I really want to get myself a degree in that field? Getting a degree in Change Management / Organisational Behaviour would pretty much condemn me to the rest of my life in the field that burned me out...

I've had positive feedback on my writing: both in terms of style as well as content. Should I look towards something in journalism?

It's at times like these that I think people who have interacted with me have a better idea, or at least can come up with suggestions I may not have come up with alone.

Remember that I'm one weirdo who loks for job satisfaction, and gets off on knowing i'm making a difference. I'm not one who wants labels like General Manager, and neither am I one who looks at the pay before anything else (although so long the pay is enough for me to survive, I'm happy!).

So, dear reader(s)... if you could spare a few minutes to suggest what I could pursue, I'd be delighted!

Many thanx.

Peace.

Here's to blogs, bloggers, and blogging!

Have any of you sat back and wondered about blogs, and how their use seems to have exploded within the past year or so? Wait - even before that: how many of you even know what "blog" stands for?

Blog is short for a "weB LOG", and can be defined as an online public personal journal or diary. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger". From a few dozen blogs in existence in 1999, there are now millions. Click here for a brief history/commentary on blogs.

What on earth would move so many people to share their personal thoughts with total strangers on the 'net, though?

For me, there are many reasons.

1. Channel & update
My first blog was set up in mid-June 2004: the first entry was an outpouring of disappointment and frustration at not having been able to submit a 3-month notice of resignation on my target date of 15th June 2004 (in the end I submitted a 1-month notice at the end of August). The blog quickly became a place for me to channel the frustration of those three months. It also didn't take me long to realise that by posting updates of sorts on in the blog, I was spared typing the same news three or four times for three or four different people! Yes, I prefer making a generic blog posting because I'm the type of person who feels like I'm "cheating" people if I send them all the identical letter! If I have to do that, I still make sure I customise it so that the recipient doesn't feel gypped.

2. Re-establishment of an old habit
I used to keep a diary: I think mom introduced me to the idea of keeping a diary when I was, hmmm, in Form 2. And I think I pretty much kept writing until my first year in the U.S. (so that's what... 5 years straight?). I fell out of the habit in the U.S. maybe because I didn't have much "anguish" to pour out... after all, I really came into my own when I was alone & independent. I didn't miss diary-keeping at all,,, until I had some turmoils in my life in late 2000. I started to write again, but somehow I just could not get going. Over the following 4 years, I had a few start-n-stops, the most consistent/concentrated effort taking place in Aug-Oct 2003. It was difficult for me to actually physically write. I'm not just talking about holding a pen to paper, though I must say that my handwriting has degenerated since starting work :p I think the method of TYPING as opposed to WRITING was more in tune with the current Lynne. I also realised that a lot of what I would previously had poured out into the diary was now the content of e-mails to a few select friends. So perhaps blogging is not so much a re-establishment of an old habit as perhaps a shift/repackaging of the activity. Whatever it is, I do feel much better about capturing my thoughts, however trivial or heavy they may be, into a "modern" diary.

3. Critique & practice
My original blog site (see reason #1 above) had a spin-off, where I made my attempt at doing book reviews. Didn't get very far: just 4 reviews in Aug 2004. Don't think I did a good job at it either :p But "good" wasn't the point: I just wanted to record my thoughts on the series / authors I was reading at that time. I also wanted to practice what I call "critique-al writing": after all, it's one thing to just write about anything - it's another thing to intelligently critique someone else's work! At the same time, among my many duties at the time, work-wise, was that of content provider for an intranet site (I have fond memories of my take on the "Secret Diaries" *grin!*) . With momentum from all that writing, it was not a big leap to have that creativity continue to percolate, and what other place to channel it than thru blogs?

4. Keeping in touch
And as you know, another reason for blogging - and for setting up this particular blog site - is to keep in pseudo-touch with my family, friends and ex-colleagues as I vegetate halfway across the world from my birthplace in Malaysia. You could look at it as part of reason # 1 - not writing identical letters to people. But there's a difference - it's a conscious decision on my part to make this blog site as the main communication device. It's an acknowledgement of everyone being caught up in the rat race, where even catching up on e-mails can sometimes feel like a pipe dream... so those who think of me but are too busy to write, are still able to know some of what goes on in my life (or in my head, at least!). And for those who do e-mail - well, they get a little extra lah :-)

5. Mystique and vanity?
There is this fascination that I have about having total strangers read about my thoughts, my life... In fact, this particular site is quite "constrained" as I do feel the need to "censor" much of what I would like to say to the world. Re-activating my old site, or starting yet another site, seems quite appealing.. tho maintaining so many would be quite the challenge... sigh... we'll see how that goes... but I digress... this "pull" to share my thoughts with net surfers everywhere is compounded with a hankering to know what people think of what I wrote. I look forward to seeing comments posted by friends and strangers, and wonder what topics I can write about that would generate more comments. My mind then wanders, wondering if I'd ever reach audiences beyond those who have some sort of link to me. Imagine having as many readers as Jeff Ooi, maybe... aahhhhh, maybe, one day....

For those who slogged through this entire rambling - congratulations on your endurance! I doubt that the above reasons are MECE (*wink!!* that's Mutually Exclusive, Collectively Exhaustive - uh-oh.. that's not copyrighted by "Daddy" or McK is it????), but they served to organise my thoughts a little as they poured themselves out for ya.

And with that: did you know that there is an individual who runs the Bloggies, which are awards for blogs, in various categories. The Bloggies have been running since 2001. Check out the "2005" final nominees (for best in 2004) here. If you have the time, do check them out, and vote too!

in and out... of touch

It’s a week into the new year, and my thoughts drift to those I left behind… schoolmates, colleagues, friends: or those I *thought* were friends…

It saddens me that some people whom I considered relatively close friends / colleagues have not seemed to be bothered to keep in touch…

Mr YesMan, a mentor of sorts during my previous worklife, someone who already disappointed me once by “dropping the ball” in keeping an eye on a friend’s job application, indirectly teaching me a lesson about politics within the organization… someone I still turned to for some advice during my agonizing period figuring out whether to resign or stick with it… someone who, by his deafening silence ever since I informed him of my resignation, seems to not want to “contaminate” himself with my “taint” within the organization… either that, or I transformed into someone not worth his while? Doesn’t change his impact and influence on me during some formative years within the organization… just saddens me how he just “switched off”… of course, I’m assuming all of the above... he may just be too busy over the last 3 months to even reply to the two or so emails I’d sent out…

Then there’s my Beanie Buddy… kept out of the loop during my decision-making process mostly due to her being extremely busy with work at the time: I imagine part of the silence is related to disappointment at not having been told more, earlier… little does she know she was the first to get an indication of things to come (Hale: remember that Beanie session in USJ, during the fasting month (Oct/Nov 2003)? Yep, that was the beginning…!).

Then again… there’s the other side of the coin… the pleasant surprise… someone I was not **that** close to, she was more like a friend of a friend… very nice gal: outgoing personality, quick to smile, joke, etc… but not really my “style” lah (read: I am SO out of her league)… on one hand you could label her as a bit of a ditz, yet from early on she’s been very supportive, and seems genuinely happy for me, and has actually emailed me (unlike the friend that linked us up) NanAz – if you read this – know that just remembering your early mail about a slice of cake brought me to tears again – thanx for your support, my dear!

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not judging these people. (For one thing, that’s only the tip of the iceberg… if I were to list ALL the people I thought would keep in touch better than they have in reality, well,.. that leads us to another topic altogether regarding realistic expectations lah!). I believe that some people are destined to be friends for a lifetime, others just for a season or so… yet even for those seasonal ones: their impact may last a lifetime. So, while it saddens me that some of those I thought were lifetimers seem to be seasonals instead, it doesn’t lessen the impact they have had on me.

To everyone I’ve interacted with in my 32+ years alive on this planet: I thank you for all the lessons provided: words whether said or unsaid, actions whether done or not done, support & encouragement whether given or not given… combined they all provide a fascinating insight into human beings both as an individual and collectively. May you yourselves take the time to reflect on those who have impacted your life, and those you have had an impact upon.

May the force be with you.

... wake-up call: life is short ...

Just received news that an ex-colleague of mine, from my past life in [PGB], passed away ~7am on Friday 12th November 2004.

While I was never "close" to her, she always struck me as someone who easily befriended everybody she met. Bubbly personality. Kinda in-yo'-face but at the same time u knew she wasn't being mean about it. It seems she'd been kinda battling w her health for a few years; 2 years ago she was diagnosed with having fibroids and underwent an operation to remove it/them/whatever. Could not remove all of it. Took a turn for the worse in early November, and then, well, you already know what happened on the 12th. I have no idea of her exact age: am guessing between 35-40.

I was tempted to type that she was "too young" ... but then again... while ideally one would want to live to a ripe old age, you just know that in this day and age, it gets tougher for us to aspire to such lofty goals.

The water we drink: how much JUNK is in it? What with all the pollutants in the air, that get brought down to earth and seas when it rains.... the fish live in it... we drink it (don't for a minute tell me you TRUST what comes out of the tap in your house!)... And our body is what, 70% water? ugh... imagine how much of the junk stays in our system... and just what does it all do to us...

And what about our food? Bird flu in chicken... Chicken being injected w antibiotics... That JE thingy in pigs... cows being fed dead cow parts resulting in mad cow disease... fish with mercury and who-knows-what-else in 'em...

That's just food/drink... what about other "wild card" factors such as reckless motorcyclists... floods... 9/11-type attacks... falling victim to snatch thefts... being victim of a burglary-gone-wrong... cancer... heart failure... you name it!

No, dear reader... no such thing as "too young" to die ...

But life *is* short.. so please: live every day to the fullest, so that whenever it *is* your time to go, you can leave with minimal regrets... perhaps you could keep this in mind as you start off your day in the mornings:

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

Is Aidil Fitri truly "meaningful" to you?

This is a quickie-post for today.... while this is being typed, I bet most people in Malaysia are stuffing their faces celebrating the end of the fasting month! And I also bet many of you are expecting me to be all homesick, what with being away from home and all.... well... the "raya mood" has yet to ever strike me... never has and probably never will. Don't cry for me argentina...

Many thanx to all of those who sms'ed me raya greetings over the past few days - they were greatly appreciated, it is nice to know I am thought of even when halfway across the world from most of you! ... btw I sent out greetings to almost everyone in my phone's address book - so if you did not receive an sms from me, that means I dont have you on my phone - so sms me NOW!! ;-)

And whether or not you were a recepient of my SMS : that does NOT prevent me from wishing all my readers (heeeheheheh i wonder just how many readers i *do* have!!) a safe "DeepaRaya".... yes, my dears, let's not forget the multi-racial and multi-religious country of ours! Happy Deepavali to those who celebrate that occasion, and also a Selamat Aidil Fitri to, again, those who celebrate that occasion: Maaf zahir & batin.

While we're on the subject.. Let us take some time to step back from the hectic day, and reflect on what Aidil Fitri means to you...

... Do you truly look forward to the visits to / by your relatives as strengthening silaturrahim, or it is to collect money on behalf of your kid who fasted thru the month without really knowing why?
... Or to compare and attempt to outshine the other ladies with your new Raya Baju Kebaya?
... Hey, do you even look forward to the entire clan get-together, or is the "duty" of balik kampung something that you do so grudgingly, such that you've infected your children with a keen distaste for this event and for the family?
... Or is Raya all about celebrating the start of being able to eat/drink/smoke normally again???

Please do take a minute or two to ponder upon your answers... Is Aidil Fitri truly "meaningful" to you?

Big Brother and the morality police?

It amazed me to see a recent headline of thestar.com.my, which was in the vein of “Muslim food oulets only allowed to open after 3pm during the fasting month.” Ayoyo… yet another example of the government taking it upon itself to think on behalf of its people….

My take on the month of Ramadhan is that, yes it’s a holy month, yes it’s a time for cleansing, yes we all undergo this not eating/drinking from dawn til dusk, blah blah blah yadiyadiya… but … LIFE GOES ON! It being fasting does NOT mean meetings don’t happen, or that training sessions should not take place. *of course that doesn’t happen in [company name], right? Ha ha ha* You should continue performing as you usually do, PLUS carry out your fasting. Example: If you work as a waiter, you still wait on tables and serve food, even if the aroma of food makes you salivate! It’s still your job, and you need to take such challenges in stride during the fasting month. And if you cave in, well, is it the customer’s fault for wanting to eat? Or your employer’s fault for ‘making’ you work as a waiter? Nope.. it’s all YOU. Your morality, or steadfastness, or whatever you want to call it… it is strengthened by overcoming challenges thrown at it. Kinda like your muscles… if you don’t subject them to stress, they atrophy! But use them, challenge them… yes that aerobic session, that yoga class, that jog around the track… they will make you ache, but the next time you go thru that challenge you’ll find it easier, no? So back to that hapless waiter… if he gets though the first few days of fasting without too much of a problem, I bet if ever a customer orders his favourite dish, he may be tempted, but I doubt he’d crumble.

…. But I guess that’s it, eh? The Terengganu government would rather not chance it?

The Terengganu food operators should have enough gray matter in their noggins to figure out ON THEIR OWN who their clientele are (i.e. a mixed crowd, or predominantly one race/religion, etc), and how the fasting month impacts these customers. Then act accordingly. Chances are, they would come to the conclusion that there is no need for them to bother starting business until at least 3pm, and at the same time it would benefit them greatly to be open right until subuh itself to accommodate those who want to sahur with outside food. But for the local government to take it upon themselves to regulate the Muslim food operators’ “start time” is just ridiculous.

Seeing as the majority of Terengganuese are Muslims, I would assume that most food operators also Muslim. But what about the non-Muslims? They have as much right to their favourite “Pak Man’s Nasi Lemak” for breakfast, or “Mek Pah’s Laksam” for lunch, haven’t they? Is the government so scared of the possibility of the local Muslims not fasting if they cook food for others, or of they know their fave restaurant / warung is open? Or are the food operators (or anyone else for that matter) totally incapable of independent logical rational thought that Big Brother has to do it for them? Or is it Big Brother’s plan to ensure the state residents are totally incapable of independent logical rational thought?

Another thing: This directive is NOT applicable to chains such as KFC and McD’s. Huh? Where’s the logic in that? Perhaps it makes sense to them because these chains are not perceived as “Malay” and therefore do not pose a temptation to the spineless brainless creatures who inhabit the state of Terengganu? Or is there an assumption that non-Muslims do NOT partake of Muslim/Malay food and only flock to fast-food chains or “their own” restaurants?

Ugh!

To me… the bottom line is… it’s a matter of mind over matter… and it’s personal. Regulate and interfere all you want, Big Brother: only we individually, and The One, know just how “sempurna” we are in fulfilling our religious obligations.