Monday, January 10, 2005

in and out... of touch

It’s a week into the new year, and my thoughts drift to those I left behind… schoolmates, colleagues, friends: or those I *thought* were friends…

It saddens me that some people whom I considered relatively close friends / colleagues have not seemed to be bothered to keep in touch…

Mr YesMan, a mentor of sorts during my previous worklife, someone who already disappointed me once by “dropping the ball” in keeping an eye on a friend’s job application, indirectly teaching me a lesson about politics within the organization… someone I still turned to for some advice during my agonizing period figuring out whether to resign or stick with it… someone who, by his deafening silence ever since I informed him of my resignation, seems to not want to “contaminate” himself with my “taint” within the organization… either that, or I transformed into someone not worth his while? Doesn’t change his impact and influence on me during some formative years within the organization… just saddens me how he just “switched off”… of course, I’m assuming all of the above... he may just be too busy over the last 3 months to even reply to the two or so emails I’d sent out…

Then there’s my Beanie Buddy… kept out of the loop during my decision-making process mostly due to her being extremely busy with work at the time: I imagine part of the silence is related to disappointment at not having been told more, earlier… little does she know she was the first to get an indication of things to come (Hale: remember that Beanie session in USJ, during the fasting month (Oct/Nov 2003)? Yep, that was the beginning…!).

Then again… there’s the other side of the coin… the pleasant surprise… someone I was not **that** close to, she was more like a friend of a friend… very nice gal: outgoing personality, quick to smile, joke, etc… but not really my “style” lah (read: I am SO out of her league)… on one hand you could label her as a bit of a ditz, yet from early on she’s been very supportive, and seems genuinely happy for me, and has actually emailed me (unlike the friend that linked us up) NanAz – if you read this – know that just remembering your early mail about a slice of cake brought me to tears again – thanx for your support, my dear!

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not judging these people. (For one thing, that’s only the tip of the iceberg… if I were to list ALL the people I thought would keep in touch better than they have in reality, well,.. that leads us to another topic altogether regarding realistic expectations lah!). I believe that some people are destined to be friends for a lifetime, others just for a season or so… yet even for those seasonal ones: their impact may last a lifetime. So, while it saddens me that some of those I thought were lifetimers seem to be seasonals instead, it doesn’t lessen the impact they have had on me.

To everyone I’ve interacted with in my 32+ years alive on this planet: I thank you for all the lessons provided: words whether said or unsaid, actions whether done or not done, support & encouragement whether given or not given… combined they all provide a fascinating insight into human beings both as an individual and collectively. May you yourselves take the time to reflect on those who have impacted your life, and those you have had an impact upon.

May the force be with you.

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about two months later...

 ... hi again. This return to blogging is really not working out, is it? Actually, I am writing, three pages of mind vomit and affirmations ...