Of palms and breath ...

Have you had your palms read?

Back in Malaysia, I found out about someone who did deep intense readings. Unlike the image here, what she did was ink your hands, then press them onto paper, in order to properly see all the details. If you follow the image source link you'll see what I mean.

Image source here

I saw her twice.

Among the few things I remember:

• there were three children lines, but she peered closely at them I guess one of them was not like the others, since she speculated one of the lines signified my niece. She was newly born, I think? Maybe I was going to see her (niece) for the first time on the way back to the US via Switzerland? 
• success would come easily / I would be successful at a career that involved a lot of traveling and meeting people. At that point in time I harbored the thought that I might have a book to write. Crap, was it going to happen? Would the traveling be for book signings? Would the people be readers/fans? The socially awkward introvert me cringed. I ended up abandoning the book, for many reasons. In the back of my mind, I wondered about this part of the reading...

Almost a decade later, it occurred to me that the reading was pretty accurate, just... off by a few years. When did it occur to me? As I was driving to Springfield from BloNo, a trip I've done so often over the past two years, and even more so this year. I'd mentioned in the previous post that one of my sanity savers was getting into Shamanic Breathwork (TM). I threw myself into it, attending pretty much every workshop I could, most of them 3-day events involving making sure Kosh was NOT working / on call those days, making sure I had someone on standby in case the school "had issues." I would drop the kids off on a Friday morning then rush to Springfield then not be home till Sunday night. Oh yeah, after my first intense weekend where I found myself weeping within minutes of having left the workshop and facing a long commute home, I decided I needed to push past my comfort zone and ask for help from fellow attendees for a roof over my head / a place to crash for subsequent events.

Image source here

I'm not sure if this is my "career" but it's certainly my focus for the past couple of years; my mental health. And the biggest reason I've come as far as I have is not just the breathwork, but the community that practices it. My tribe, really.

Perhaps this is what was seen in my palms?

Part of me really wants to go back to Malaysia and consult her again. I would have to hope she's not moved office, though, because I can't remember her name, and her contact info is in a non-functioning phone. Who knows when my next trip would be, anyway. Lordy. THAT's another blog post right there... the big trip on 2013, which was the last straw of my mental health. Gah!

Here we go again...

Today is the first day of summer vacation.

My firstborn, known online as Nova or Thing 1, had an amazing 2nd Grade. It was his first year in a Special Education class and a different school than our neighborhood "home" school. My second-born, known online as Nev or Thing Two, had an incredibly tumultuous year, but also ended it on a great note, thankfully. It's amazing what the correct supports can do!

My last blog post was almost two years ago.

When I review my life, I tend to compartmentalize it all. For my childhood, I only have a feel for how old I am based on which house we lived in at the time. Adult life was defined by where I was working. Married life also defined by where we were staying. Then came kids, and it all became a blur: we were in Springfield, then moved to Bloomington-Normal, but I am hard-pressed to tell you when we made the huge ... considering we bought a house, you'd think I'd remember the year, right? Nope. Blur.

But.

May 2017, less than a month after that last blog post, I have seared in my head. Some things I had been squelching finally hit the fan. I was thrown into a major crisis. My mental health was severely taxed.

And.

I dug deep. Reached out. Dragged myself to one Shamanic Breathwork (TM) session, then another, then another. Interviewed therapist after therapist after therapist. Leaned in. And stubbornly took one step after another.

Today I am in a much better place, mentally, than I have ever been.

I still struggle, of course. I utterly suck at daily self-care type things. I am always buffeted and swept away by the kids and their needs.

But it's now summer vacation.

This blog post is one of my ways to get my daily self-care in.

I am determined to get a post a day in over the next couple of weeks.

Get the writing, and creativity, flowing again.

See you tomorrow?