Starting the new year with Omens?

Hey, I just realised that yesterday was Friday the Thirteenth!

And on a related note:

A few weeks ago, it suddenly occurred to me that I wanted to see the Omen / Damien movies. I'd seen at least two of them, a long time ago... on Malaysian TV... so can you say terribly interrupted by commercials AND butchered by the censors?

Thinking back, I wonder how the movies were even ALLOWED to be aired in Malaysia...

Aaaanyways... so we got The Omen (1976) from the library. I hardly remembered ANY of it! And I really doubt the decapitation scene made it to Malaysian screens! Oh, and the early part of the film, with the birthday party for Damien - I somehow pictured a similar scene in Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett's Good Omens. Didn't quite like that book (I think I'm not into Prachett's style too much?), but I may just refresh my memory, since I've got that birthday scene in my head :p

I recognised a lot more scenes from The Omen II: Damien (1978): I thought the "death by crow" scene was actually "death by crowS" - but I can see why I might have been slightly freaked out by it... There was another death scene in the elevator, where a doctor gets sliced in half - pretty good effects for that time, I think. That was DEFINITELY not shown in Malaysia!

We just watched The Omen III: The Final Conflict (1981) a few days ago. Oh my... they should have stopped at #2! What a lame plot! What a total lameass ending!

But wait, it's not over!!! Did you know that there's an Omen IV: The Awakening (1991) out there??? Okay, so it was a made-for-TV thing, not a proper movie. And it sounds even lamer than #3. I think we'll stop at #3 and not subject ourselves to anymore... :p

misc blogthings ...

Yawwwwwwwwn!

It's been a long day. Past midnight now. Hanging out at Kosh's workplace while he puts finishing touches for stuff that he's organising Saturday morning.

In the meantime, I'm surfing aimlessly, and going thru a few quizzes:

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

^^^ that is hilarious!!! ^^^

next.....

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

^^^ pretty true ... ^^^

And seeing as I will be looking into some further studies tho not for another year or so...

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

^^^ as expected - after all, this Chemistry major who turned into an organisational behaviourist does feel her next career should be in a more creative field!

... and how about my temperament?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

.... and with such a temperament, I suppose my "ideal career" would be...

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Okay, enough with that for now...

Effects of the Ferrari-less Monk

Remember The Monk who sold his Ferrari I’d been recommended to read? Well, I had placed an order with the local library for a copy, picked it up a few days ago, and I started reading it last night. Finished it today.

It was kinda amusing reading it cos I’d inadvertently ordered the large-print version – so I felt like I was reading a kid’s book :-D

But frankly, I’m disappointed with the book.

There are some gems hidden within its pages, true, but said gems are hidden among a poorly constructed, poorly told “fable about fulfilling your dreams and reaching your destiny” which in itself is just a less-coherent simple re-hashing of Covey’s 7 Habits.

I was also really bored, because like all those other self-help books out there, there’s nothing new contained within its pages. And, so much of what is said within those pages I already practice, or have practiced, or had practiced, for a long time.

• I was never one who’s all caught up in the corporate rat race. Even though I know my rise in the company was quite high quite fast, I hadn’t “raced” my way there. In fact, my upward mobility was based very much on my capabilities and skills I possessed and results I produced – I wasn’t trying to climb the ladder, but my feet kept climbing while I was doing stuff that I took pride in.
  
• I had the self-awareness to see that my last 2 years of work, despite being an excellent opportunity for self-improvement and experience-building, was also extremely poisonous to my well-being and sanity. I also had the courage to make the decision quit, the determination to see it through, and to ultimately walk away from it all – a secure job with pretty-much guaranteed continued upward mobility – rather than compromise my mental health any further.

And on the more personal side?

• I’ve long felt that my mission in life is to bring out the best in others. Fulfilling this has taken many forms: observing over a period of time a friend stuck in a vicious downward spiral, sitting her down and talking her through what’s going on, helping her see and acknowledge things that are beyond her control, and identify things that ARE within her control that she can take action on, in order to improve her situation. Being an unofficial mentor to a younger colleague. Nudging people towards acknowledging some of their “black holes”, getting them to realize they are holding themselves back / are wearing blinders…
  
• Having the strength and conviction to end a long-term relationship… yet to succeed in remaining friends afterwards (which *all* my “friends” said was an unwise and impossible thing to do).

There’s plenty more,… but I’m done with my introspection for the day :p

Not that there is no room for improvement, of course:

I don’t deny that many beneficial self-affirming “daily rituals” have crept out of my life for various reasons, so if nothing else the book served as a gentle reminder of things I could be doing to add a bit more oomph to it.

But there is no way for me to get any A-HA moments from a book so superficial.

That said, I suppose this book *would* be a good place to start for people who haven’t ever really taken the time to stop and take stock of their lives, or those who have but need a nudge in the right direction.

What I *did* like about the Ferrari-less Monk book:

• The garden / lighthouse / sumo wrestler / pink cable wire / stopwatch / roses / path of diamonds visual imagery is a great memory aid ; chances are, I’ll still remember all seven “virtues of enlightened living” for quite a while
  
• Many times throughout the book, it is said that you should do what you are comfortable with; take the time to “grow” your self, your willpower; take tiny steps if need be, but take the steps… Unlike many other books that prescribe a radical change from one’s existing condition, which would require a great amount of willpower and motivation to maintain… and chances are high that 6 months down the road, the poor fella is right back where he started, and even more convinced that he can’t change for the better!
  
• I got a recommendation for a Gandhi book! From a long time ago, I knew that a good way to find inspiration was to read about great figures of history. I’ve always wanted to read about Gandhi. However, there were so many books out there, I didn’t know which to pick, and today I realize that I never did pick any. But now I have some guidance: Gandhi’s autobiography The Story of my Experiments with Truth – which is now on order from the library.
  
• I also liked the practical look at doing things that are your passion in life. Like if you are a lawyer by profession but a painter at heart – sure, you could dump everything and try to succeed in the art world… or you could make sure you spend part of the weekends painting, and perhaps bestowing these as gifts to friends and relatives. One doesn’t always have to walk away like I did, y’know… :-)

Looking at the reviews on amazon.com, a similar but supposedly “better” book is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - guess who’s ordered that from the library in order to make a comparison for herself? I’m probably gonna just skim it, tho… I doubt I could stomach too many self-help books at one time!

The Power of Programming ... and its consequences

I know of a Malay woman who just could not bring herself to eat ANY Chinese food, or even step foot into any Chinese restaurant. Why? Because her parents had raised her to think of all Chinese as dirty disgusting unclean non-Muslim scum, what’s why! And while this person had learned to function and interact fine with Chinese people, she just. Couldn’t. Eat. Their. Food. She’s tried – she’d puked. She couldn’t overcome her programming, despite being aware of it.

This is an example of Malaysia’s “racial & religious tolerance” the country boasts about.

Slightly over a year ago, I was discussing food with NS, a relatively close friend from my schooldays. She for some reason deemed it fit to advise me on what food to eat (the halal/haram issue) while I was going to be bumming around in the states. She said she was quoting her father, who is quite the religious type: “Eating kosher meat is fine. If you can’t find that, if you want you can eat food prepared by Christians or white people. But never ever eat anything by Chinese.” Me (incredulous, and immediately seeing so many holes…): “Oh, really? What about Chinese who are Christians?” She didn’t know. And had no opinion – couldn’t even say that maybe what she’d blithely regurgitated didn’t make sense.

I see this as an example of Malaysia’s practice of quashing independent thinking combined with the assumption that elders/parents always know best, and are not to be questioned. I was actually quite disappointed to discover from this interaction that NS was not the independent thinker I’d thought she was…

Don’t let the above examples give you the idea that I’m going to rant about the racial, religious and cultural “tolerance” (as opposed to the more effective, productive and peaceful CELEBRATION!) in Malaysia.

I want to talk about “programming”

It starts as soon as we are born, if not before….

In the Middle East, it is said that babies on both sides of the Israel/Palestine conflict are fed hatred along with mothers’ milk. … and while this continues to happen, is there any way to find some sort of peaceful workable solution to the situation? People are being bred to hate, to answer violence with more violence… but do they know what they are really fighting for? Do they understand what has brought the situation to the condition it is in today?

In Malaysia, with the convoluted situation of three main races (Malay, Chinese, Indian), practicing diverse religions (“there are no non-Muslim Malays”; Chinese = Taoist, Buddhist, Christian, some Muslim; Indian = Hindu, Christian, Muslim), the inbuilt discrimination for “bumiputera” (Malays, and the aborigine tribes which may practice animism, Islam or Christianity) within the Constitution, and the blurry status of how Indian / Chinese converts to Islam can become “bumiputera”… and resentment on all sides at perceived unfair practices, discrimination, etc etc… it’s not surprising that SOMETHING is “passed on” along with mothers’ milk! How, then, to achieve true cooperation among the many peoples that make up Malaysia??

But all that is talking about programming “against” “other people”…

What about programming against yourself?

I’m thinking about growing up in an environment that is harmful to a child’s sense of self-worth…

How about growing up with parents who call you “stupid” all the time?

And not just “stupid” but rather “styoooopid!” with anger, disgust, irritation, hate, sarcasm and/or venom dripping off every word…

I don’t care what the child has done, or how it behaves: when growing up, a child needs to be encouraged to learn, explore, question, make mistakes in order to learn from mistakes – not to get such savage blows to its self-esteem…

The child grows up all confused … it knows it’s not stupid: after all, it gets pretty good grades in school… do the parents hate it or something? Is there something wrong with it? Why can it never make them happy?

It grows up withdrawn, shy. Then the parents scold it for being shy, for failing to meet peoples' eyes when shaking hands with them, for staying up in its room when there are visitors... but what do you expect?

The child grows up with resentment and anger smoldering inside.

It starts to live a double life: on the outside it seems shy and withdrawn, but on the inside is a seething mass of emotions.

Fortunately, deep within the child lies an inner core of strength, which it finds and taps: perhaps despite of, probably thanks to, the anger and resentment within itself.

The child finds strength and belief within itself.

It also starts to observe its parents interactions, and realizes that its parents are actually really screwed up, and that a lot of how it was raised was a reflection of their dysfunction. It is amazed that they would actually take their frustrations out on their child that way. Did they not know any better?

While it is thankful there was never any physical abuse, it knows that what it experienced was a form of mental abuse…

…the scars of which exist to this day…

And the parents wonder why the now grown-up child is cold, distant and treats them with contempt. Sure, there are other factors involved, but still….

... what goes around comes around.

A point to ponder: whay is it that most people who were abused as kids end up abusing their own children? Why those who grew up watching their father beat up their mothers have a high chance of beating up on their own wives?

As much as they swore to themselves that they would never treat their kids/wife the same way, in the end, when they are in the same situation as they were 30 years prior, unless they have the highest of self control and self awareness, chances are high that they'll just perpetuate a terrible behaviour....raising yet another kid who's very likely to abuse its own child/partner in the future... and the vicious cycle continues...

I have always had grave doubts about ever settling down, and if that were to ever happen, whether I'd ever want to have kids - purely from the perspective of being to raise them is such a way as to NOT perpetuate the dysfunctions I'm probably programmed to carry out. At least now, Kosh and I, we both are all too aware of our families' dysfunctions... and we trust that we'll be able to "call" ourselves on any negative behaviour or bias or whatever we may inadvertently practice towards/around our future kids. We can do our small bit in raising kids who are true citizens of the world.

Bad News: show me the money!!

(This is a long-overdue continuation of my "Good News" post in early November 2005)

The Good News was that my winning that Marvel Award was finally confirmed.

This came with a $$$ prize.

So... show me the money!!

First: the continually unhelpful Chem Dept:

I asked them "... isn't there some sort of cash award associated with it? If so, how would I go about claiming it, ten years later?"

Their answer "It was $200 or $250, I believe. As far as claiming, I would check in [an office just across from their lazy asses]."

Geez, can't they even give me a proper amount????

Anyway, in the end, I was advised to go to Student Loans department, thos I really wonder why, seeing as I didn't take out any loans here, I was under a scholarship mah? Nevermind... Let's see if this gets me anywhere...


Student Loans Dept

I finally find the friggin' building, talk to someone who is helpful but doesn't really know how she can help or why I was pointed to the Students Loan office. Figures. But she did try to get hold of someone who might be able to help, and so I gave my particulars & contact info.

A few hours later, I got an e-mail: "According to your Student Account record, you did receive a "xxx xxx xxxx-CHEM" scholarship credit on 05-24-95 for the amount of $200. A refund check was produced on 05-24-95. We have copies of your student account summary, if you wish to stop by and pick them up. Just make sure you have a picture ID."

Yahoo! Now the $$$ amount is confirmed! Now to figure out where the money went!"

When I picked up a copy of that statement, things were not as simple as that e-mail implied: In fact, what I saw there made me quite mad... it seems as if when I was making sure I didn't leave town without owing anyone anything,I was told I owed some $$ for telephone charges from the dorm, which I promptly paid. But according to that statement I got, the USD200 was already in the account at that time??!! Right then and there I should have been informed about the excess $$, or at least NOT ASKED TO PAY UP the phone charges!

Bottom line: TWO cheques were supposedly paid out to me totalling USD 200.

Really? When? Where? Why have I never gotten it???

The people at the Student Loans couldn't help, and said I should go to Student Accounts Dept instead.

The Accounts Dept

Showed the person at the counter the copy of the statement I got from Student Loans, and explained the situation. He seems quite willing to help, took down the particulars again, made a copy of the statement, and said he'd get back to me; but warned that it may take a while since it involves 10 y.o. records from a different system.

He soon emailed me saying "Just wanted to keep you posted on our research into this matter. I have passed along your request to University Payables for further research. I will let you know just as soon as I hear anything from their office."

How nice.

I followed up about a month later and he had no news yet.

Followed up again last week, and today got his reply: "I checked again with University Payables and they were unable to dig up anything on these two checks. Their records just do not go back that far. At this point, the only thing I can think of is for you to visit the bank you were using back then and see if they have any record of the checks being deposited."

bloody 'ell!

I don't even remember what bank I used when I was here as a student! And I closed that account, well, ten years ago, you freaks!

Stepping back... taking deep breaths... trying to think optimistically...

Y'know, I don't believe I've ever received a cheque from the University throughout my student life here - after all, all I ever had to pay them was for things like the phone charges while I stayed in the dorms, cos all other costs were borne by my scholarship...

... and it *was* termed a "scholarship credit" ... So maybe the sent the cheque to my future employer in Malaysia?

I suppose I'll never know... (unless the same now-EX employer actually gets its act together to claim that ~10% of my total cost of scholarship from me [seeing as I ended up working 9 years & 2 weeks out of the contracted 10 years], cos I would insis on a thorough accounting of the costs... which should show any "scholarship credits" eh?)

Well, if I *had* gotten and $$ after all this time it would have been a total bonus.

So, too bad, no bonus...

Life goes on....

Oh Ireland, how I cry for thee...

"What did I have?" said the fine old woman
"What did I have?" this proud old woman did say
"I had four green fields, each one was a jewel
But strangers came and tried to take them from me
I had fine strong sons, they fought to save my jewels
They fought and died, and that was my grief" said she

"Long time ago" said the fine old woman
"Long time ago" this proud old woman did say
"There was war and death, plundering and pillage
My children starved by mountain valley and sea
And their wailing cries, they shook the very heavens
My four green fields ran red with their blood" said she

"What have I now?" said the fine old woman
"What have I now?" this proud old woman did say
"I have four green fields, one of them's in bondage
In stranger's hands, that tried to take it from me
But my sons have sons, as brave as were their fathers
My fourth green field will bloom once again" said she

Lyrics from makem.com HERE

The above is one of the most touching, sad, yet inspirational songs out there... if you were to hear it, it will haunt you...

The "old woman" of the song is Ireland.

I can't sing along to this song without getting choked up.

mythological? but I exist!!

Many thanx to Dawn the unicorn for pointing me to this quiz:

What mythological creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
UR A HIPPOGRYPH:
"Wings stir the sunlight dust
of the cathedral in which
the Past is buried
to its chin in marble."
A hippogryph is a cross between a griffin and a horse. You are very loyal and committted. Thus, you are a perfect fit for marraige or relationships. You are close to your friends and they appreciate you very much. You love the taste of freedom as does Pegasus. You are the perfect warrior. Obtaining swiftness and sharpness you are hard to beat down. Yet, you can be regal when the time is right.

Let's review the results, shall we?

A hippogryph is a cross between a griffin and a horse.

yep, I am a half-breed, all right...

You are very loyal and committted.

True. I think many people would like to see me committed.

Thus, you are a perfect fit for marraige or relationships.

Oh, THAT kind of committed ah? Yeah, that works too :-)

You are close to your friends and they appreciate you very much.

Those who make it to the "friend" category lah... Not too many people are allowed that close to me...

You love the taste of freedom as does Pegasus.

Definitely! Just don't have George Michael sing that song to me, ok?

You are the perfect warrior.

ROAARRRRRR I *am* after all, a Leo :-)

Obtaining swiftness and sharpness you are hard to beat down.

"obtaining"? you mean "during the times I am swift and sharp I am hard to beat down"? Weird way of putting it, but sure! After all, most of my office colleagues could never "get" my train of thought...

Yet, you can be regal when the time is right.

LOL! Again, I *am* a Leo, after all....