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Warning: this is a bitch and moan entry:


It gets really old really fast.

I know I’ve put on weight. In fact, I believe this is the heaviest I’ve ever been. What to do… I was pretty much house-bound for 6 months. It was cold. Prime hibernation weather. I enjoyed the food. I was in good company.

I’m well aware that I’ve put on weight, and I will be shedding the pounds while I’m here.

But whatever it is… why can’t people be just a little bit more considerate of my feelings?

I really did not need to have my father, when he first saw me after 6 months, had this disgusted look on his face and even as we were doing the stupid kiss cheek thing, say: “Mais, you’ve put on a lot of weight, eh? You better lose some of it, eh?” Yeah, really nice to see you too. All I did was smile with a bland look on my face… after all, it wouldn’t do to totally rip into him for being such an asshole, eh?

And what about when Allie joined me and my parents to say hi before kidnapping me for my first catch-up session, where my mother goes something like: “Well, here she is - all of her!” While Allie responded with “Wow, yeah, I can see that,” I know that she wouldn’t have said anything if not for the ‘opening’ provided by mommie dearest. Don’t dare say anything to my face, tapi nak cakap, so cari jalan cakap berlapis, eh?

Speaking about cakap berlapis - spare me the bloody euphemisms lah. One reason I refuse to go visit people at my ex-workplace is I know exactly what is going to happen. People who I don’t know well or even like anyway will want to come up to me and go “waaaaah, sihat nampak!” (literal translation: you look “healthy”). I already had to put up with such comments, and many more direct and blunt ones, during my last Managers Forum in September last year. Paps, you were with me at the time, I was upset but just had to grin and bear it, ingat tak? Do people not realize how hurtful such comments are? I would never ever do that to anyone because I know the effect of such comments on me. I wish most everyone else had half as much awareness and consideration of others’ feelings.

I’d already told my ex-officemates that “jgn terkejut, I dah bulat!”, so when I met up with S, L & M they were already ‘primed’, and those elbow-squeals conveyed the shock/surprise without offending (thanx, gurrrls!). Yesterday’s session with the tennis gang was also fine… after all, me and my ex-tennis partner had even exchanged ‘oink oink’ sms’es, and I’d said I desperately needed to start tennis up again…

But come on lah… takkan you need advance warning in order to be diplomatic? Takkan you tak boleh be considerate of people’s feelings at any given time?

Case in point: Today was another catch-up session, with a bunch of St Marians: and the person who should know better sees me walking thru the door and gasps: “Oh my god you’ve put on SO much weight!!!” When I ignored and pretended I didn’t hear, perhaps you thought you were being nicer by ‘covering up’ by using the stupid “waaah, you look happy” euphemism, but it only ended up being a double whammy.

You know what… if you can’t say anything nice, just say nothing at all (including body language!!). I really do not need you all bashing my sense of self-worth.

I’ll get myself healthier, fitter, trimmer, all at my own pace.

Get the hell out of my face.

Comments

  1. Looks like you have a lot on your plate (pun NOT intended) since coming back...
    Don't worry too much about it, some people are mean, some people are insensitive, some people don't realize that their remarks hurt, some people make cynical/ironic/hurtful remarks as "jokes" (they expect the other people to know that what they say are jokes) (I am (unfortunately) like the latter).
    Bottom line is you have to feel good about yourself. It is up to you and to you only. You want to do something about it? Fine. You don't? Fine too.
    It has been forced onto us that anything that does not conform to the image that is constantly being projected by the ads and films is somehow "wrong".
    Also, some people take devilish pleasure in belittling others. Maybe to cover up their own shortcomings?
    Malapetaka betul!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it was " Well here is the new azlynne ! I believe I said "Yeah, I can see that but still the same azlynne" not "I can see that-period" and besides after all this years of our friendship I have never ever made any comments about your weight, I was not even going to start and was not even waiting for an opening. It also took me a moment to realise that your mum was alluding to the "new you" so to speak which is why I tried to emphasise that you are the same you to me. After all this years, if I was going to say something, surely you who know me very well would know that I would have just said something outright without waiting for an opportunity if I wanted to.

    Please acquit me of being so mean - I have been there.

    Allie

    ReplyDelete
  3. Allie:
    Uh-oh, thanx for highlighting the danger of attempting to recreate dialogue… especially for someone like me who deals better with bigger-picture overall-feel type things, and whose memory for details is usually kinda weak. I stand (sit?) corrected on the dialogue, and how you reacted to it. Btw I did not intend to paint you as ‘mean’ in any way: the focus was on the insinuation and indirect comment made by the other party. My apologies again. I know you speak your mind, hence my not appreciating someone essentially trying to force agreement out of you on the "all of me / new me" comment...

    Malapetaka:
    first: BOOOOOOOOO @ pun! :p I really felt the need to vent precisely because I was amazed at how nasty and insensitive people could be. Nvm, I'm fine as I am, and will get on track at my own pace. so there :p

    ReplyDelete

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*lynne*

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