Warning: this is a bitch and moan entry:

It gets really old really fast.

I know I’ve put on weight. In fact, I believe this is the heaviest I’ve ever been. What to do… I was pretty much house-bound for 6 months. It was cold. Prime hibernation weather. I enjoyed the food. I was in good company.

I’m well aware that I’ve put on weight, and I will be shedding the pounds while I’m here.

But whatever it is… why can’t people be just a little bit more considerate of my feelings?

I really did not need to have my father, when he first saw me after 6 months, had this disgusted look on his face and even as we were doing the stupid kiss cheek thing, say: “Mais, you’ve put on a lot of weight, eh? You better lose some of it, eh?” Yeah, really nice to see you too. All I did was smile with a bland look on my face… after all, it wouldn’t do to totally rip into him for being such an asshole, eh?

And what about when Allie joined me and my parents to say hi before kidnapping me for my first catch-up session, where my mother goes something like: “Well, here she is - all of her!” While Allie responded with “Wow, yeah, I can see that,” I know that she wouldn’t have said anything if not for the ‘opening’ provided by mommie dearest. Don’t dare say anything to my face, tapi nak cakap, so cari jalan cakap berlapis, eh?

Speaking about cakap berlapis - spare me the bloody euphemisms lah. One reason I refuse to go visit people at my ex-workplace is I know exactly what is going to happen. People who I don’t know well or even like anyway will want to come up to me and go “waaaaah, sihat nampak!” (literal translation: you look “healthy”). I already had to put up with such comments, and many more direct and blunt ones, during my last Managers Forum in September last year. Paps, you were with me at the time, I was upset but just had to grin and bear it, ingat tak? Do people not realize how hurtful such comments are? I would never ever do that to anyone because I know the effect of such comments on me. I wish most everyone else had half as much awareness and consideration of others’ feelings.

I’d already told my ex-officemates that “jgn terkejut, I dah bulat!”, so when I met up with S, L & M they were already ‘primed’, and those elbow-squeals conveyed the shock/surprise without offending (thanx, gurrrls!). Yesterday’s session with the tennis gang was also fine… after all, me and my ex-tennis partner had even exchanged ‘oink oink’ sms’es, and I’d said I desperately needed to start tennis up again…

But come on lah… takkan you need advance warning in order to be diplomatic? Takkan you tak boleh be considerate of people’s feelings at any given time?

Case in point: Today was another catch-up session, with a bunch of St Marians: and the person who should know better sees me walking thru the door and gasps: “Oh my god you’ve put on SO much weight!!!” When I ignored and pretended I didn’t hear, perhaps you thought you were being nicer by ‘covering up’ by using the stupid “waaah, you look happy” euphemism, but it only ended up being a double whammy.

You know what… if you can’t say anything nice, just say nothing at all (including body language!!). I really do not need you all bashing my sense of self-worth.

I’ll get myself healthier, fitter, trimmer, all at my own pace.

Get the hell out of my face.