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Heartsick in the Heartland
Devastated doesn’t even come CLOSE to describing me right now.
Oh my sweet wife.
Right in front of my eyes.
You were gone.
Sure, I could file charges against that doctor… but what would that accomplish? It would not bring my wife back, and it would further punish someone who already is obviously devastated at what she unintentionally did.
I have been taught that everything that happens is Allah’s will, so I must accept that this all has occurred according to His mysterious plan.
And what a convoluted plan it must have been:
That doctor, she came all the way from Alor Star out of concern for me and my family, equipped with a hypodermic syringe and a phial of quinine, with the noble intention of helping my sweet wife overcome the malaria that was ravaging her.
The doctor believed the quinine had already been diluted to safe levels and was ready for use.
She surely didn’t inject pure quinine into you on purpose.
Was it painful for you, my love? Did you feel *anything* at all? You were gone almost instantly; I could barely believe my eyes. We never got to say goodbye.
‘Twas not the doctor that killed you, my love, but the malaria.
Ah, malaria, scourge of the tropics, killer of my wife!
But, for every finger that points away, at least three point back at me... how can I be sure it wasn’t ME who killed my own wife?
After all, it wasn't that long ago that I was all gung-ho about draining the swamps around here. But happened? I let the rejection of my request for funds mark the end of my effort.
Why did I not press on? After all, I KNEW the importance of draining the swamps, did I not? Instead, I just let it go… and let the mosquitoes breed… and one of them brought malaria to my wife.
I am going to have to live with the anguish of knowing that had I done what needed to be done, my sweet wife may just be alive with me today.
Ya Allah, I am your humble servant, and I bow to your will.
Is this the lesson I was supposed to learn? To endeavour, to strive, to do what I know to be the right thing, despite the obstacles thrown my way?
The emotion is just too great - I have to stop and deal with the flood emotions.
I am overcome.
out.(*lynne*'s note: This was written in the early 1930's)
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